(1/40) Introduction & Playfulness

Weeks before my son was born, I wrote out all of the issues of The 77% Weekly until the end of 2006. I figured that I would spend time in his first 6 weeks on Earth to finalize the first issues of the new year.

I didn't.
(I could have.
But, I chose not to.)

Instead I'm going to introduce a guest columnist who will be filling in until mid-Feburary while I continue my transition from being a full-time Poppa.

With love,

Rabbi Brian

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Introduction

My friend Larry Keene was both a minister and a professor of sociology for 50 years. It was only after he retired from both that he discovered that he has the soul of an artist and that his inner child likes very much to create stained glass art.

Weekly, we have dinner and then we each work on stained glass art projects. We talk at length about religion, the Bible, and God.

Larry, over the years, has written a number of what he refers to as Simple Prayers. They are beautiful. I think of them as prayers Garrison Keillor would have written if he were an ordained minister.

Here is what Larry wrote as an introduction to his Simple Prayers:

I am not a person who is particularly attracted to prayers uttered in public places. I am often called upon to offer public prayers and I do so when I am asked to. However, the temptation to perform and pontificate in public places is very great. It is not easy to be honest and vulnerable in our public praying. One would think that it would be much easier to be honest with God in our private moments. But it isn't. Our need to try to impress the Almighty seems to know no boundaries... even in private.

The purpose of these simple prayers is to help us talk to God in the way true friends try to speak to one another. True friends speak to one another about the full range of their human concerns and feelings without trying to either impress the other or be less than truthful in what they have to say. Praying to God should be our highest form of truth-telling. It is my hope that the prayers I have chosen to share with you will encourage you to be open and transparent before God and to speak the truth when you pray.

- Laurence C. Keene

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The Joy of Playfulness
Laurence C. Keene

I was watching the little children stepping on their shadows, dear Lord. They were actually trying to run after their little child-like shadows. Their game went on and on for several minutes. They were lost in their playfulness. I looked at their faces and I saw my face reflected in one of them. But all of a sudden my face vanished and it wasn't my face at all. My vision of my own childhood passed away as quickly as it came. My own playful spirit vanished too. Just a vapor for a moment extinguished by adult realities. I miss that little child in me. I miss those playful moments when the most serious thought I had was to successfully slip away from my own shadow. I think I understand why adults look so longingly at children at play and why children absolutely never look the same way at adults who are busy working. I think children understand something the rest of us adults don't. Please, dear God, revive some of the child in me so I can remember and understand what a magnificent gift I once had and, hopefully, can have again.

40. A Prayer for the Year

Rev. Jeremy Taylor, an ordained Unitarian Universalist minister and Jungian dream analyst said something I wanted to pass along as my final message of 2006:

• Meister Ekhart, Black Elk, and the Dalai Lama


• All have said:


• "If the only prayer you ever uttered was 'thank you' it would be enough."

Amen.

Gratitude: what a beautiful concept on which to end this year.

And, let me here publicly thank those who made financial contributions to Religion-Outside-The-Box in 2006:

Anonymous / Robin Shanker & Joe Anzelmo / Larry Arnold / Andrea Aucoin / Daniel "Nagy" Buckley / Lawrence & Sherri Cirac / J. Doug Cox / Maxwell & Allyson Frome / Matt Katz / Larry & Virginia Keene / Shirley Kesler / Julie Klee / Steven Krantz / Mickey Littmann / Mitch Lively & Don Blum / Graham Morris Animation / New Linkages Internship Program, Jewish Vocational Services / Sheldon Renan & Roberta Margolis / Marjorie & Steven Rheuban / Catherine Rosenberg / Sarah Smith / Arthur Toretzky / Westwood United Methodist Church

Click here if I omitted you. (I'm embarrassed, but afraid that happened this year.)
Click here if you didn't get a tax-deductible form. (I'm chief rabbi, not a great bookkeeper.)
Click here if you would consider making a tax-exempt contribution to help further this ministry-rabbiniate's goal of empowering people to find and be with (the) God (of their understanding).

Thank you and with love,


And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where the article also went up this week.

39. Ask For What You Want

(Click here to read Rabbi Brian's article that explains how Santa Claus is a metaphor for God.)

• Have you asked Santa Claus and/or God to bring you what you want?
• Why not?
• What do you have to lose?

With love,


And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where the article also went up this week.

38. Be Good, Have Wants

In the last 77% Weekly entitled, God calling: "What do you want?" you were encouraged to list what you want for 10 minutes.

This deceptively simple question — What do you want? — perplexes many.

Today I want to examine why it can be so difficult to know what we want. The answer is simple: we’ve been conditioned to repress our wants. We learned not to ask for what we want.

As children we were told that big kids don't ask for what they want. We were told that good boys and good girls don't ask for whatever it was they desire — some candy, a toy, attention, or even affection. We wanted to be big and we wanted to be good, so we learned not to ask when we wanted.

As a result of this training, many of us think that we are better off when we have fewer needs or demands of others. (I find this is especially true of nice people.) We think that it is a mark of maturity to not have wants and needs — and so, we don't.

After time, like an atrophied muscle, we no longer remember that we in fact do want things, and we have usually also forgotten how to ask for what we do realize that we need.

Ask a child what they want for their birthday, and they can tell you. Tell an adult that you’ve got God on the phone and that they can ask for anything they desire and, well, they look at you funny.

How about you?

Is it possible for you to allow yourself to look into your heart and figure out what it is that you really want?

Relating this to your personalized religious experience.

• How could God — if there were a God who wanted to lavish you with gifts the way Santa makes children’s wishes come true — how could that God give you what you want if you don’t ask? (And no, it's not God's job to both be a mind reader and get you those things.)

Does your list include:

• joy.
• health.
• serenity.
• resplendence.
• a sense of humor.
• seeing God.
• loving God.
• following God.

Final thought:

• What can you do about getting the things you want?

With love,


And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where the article also went up this week.

37. God Calling: What do you want?

Let's play pretend:

The scene opens with you and me in my office. I have a phone headset in my hand and I’m on a call.

I click the hold button on the phone and say to you, "It seems that God wants to know what it is you want. . . "

Now what?

Let's assume that I've got God — or at least some angel or administrative muckity-muck in God's office — on the phone.

Do you know what do you really want?

(It's an easy question to answer badly.)

I have found over and over again that what people first say they want usually isn't what they really want.

When it comes to material things, usually we don't want the trinket as much as we want the feeling that we imagine will come along with possessing it. (That's why we get bored of possessions so quickly, we didn't really want them as much as we wanted what we thought it would bring us — which it doesn't — and so we go off in search of a new bauble or different momentary high.)

15 things

Can you think of 15 things you want?

10 minutes of wants

Most people after writing what they want for a few minutes wind up with very different answers than they started with.

So, I encourage you to do the following personalized, religious experience: for the next 10 minutes write out everything you want. (You'll be surprised at what you come up with.)

With love,


If you care to share what you came up with in 10 minutes, I welcome your wants. Should you want a copy of my list, please e-mail me.

P.S.

After you complete your list, there are a few things to think about:

• What are you currently doing that is helping you get what you want?
• What are you currently doing that is preventing you from getting what you want?
• What is it that you are *not* currently doing that might help you get what you want?
• As a result of thinking about the above — what can you commit to doing to help you to get what it is that you want?
• When will you commit to doing it?

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where the article also went up this week.

36. Apples are blue?

If someone told me that most apples are blue, I wouldn’t get upset.

I’d just know that they are mistaken, incorrect, wrong. It wouldn’t change my belief that apples are usually red, sometimes green, and occasionally yellow.

“Oh well,” I’d think to myself, “they believe that apples are blue. So what?”

But what about if someone told me that I am ugly, stupid, egotistical, or something similarly negative? As long as I know that these unloving remarks do not really apply to me, there’s no point in getting upset.

I’d simply think that they had said something just as silly as apples are blue.

With love,





Finally, some follow-up thoughts/questions. (Some of these are addressed in the comments on the streetprophets site where the article also went up last week.)

• How strong is a person's mind to decide what they choose to beleive? If you are told long enough by enough people that something is so, how difficult is it to think otherwise?
• What does it matter to me what others say if I know that (the) God (of my understanding) believes otherwise?
• How do we hold onto a view of God that isn't the one that is our parents'?
• How do we hold onto knowing what it is that God wants from us when others are telling us God wants otherwise?

35. Sushi & Love

There was a time in my life when I was much more obsessed with the “right” way to do things.

For instance, if I were sitting across from you and we were eating sushi, I might have demonstrated the proper way to hold your chopsticks. Or I would have explained that the soy sauce and wasabi mustard are supposed to be applied to the fish, not the rice and then told you how one is supposed to put fish side on the tongue first.

I used to feel compelled to share such knowledge when I had it.

But, since then, I have grown and matured.

I have learned that unless you care about the proper way for sushi to be eaten, unless you specifically ask me, unless you let it be known that you are the type of person whose dining experience would be enhanced by an etiquette and history lesson — that I would be speaking only to show off my own knowledge and importance.

There is no better way to eat sushi than the way that works for you.

These days all I want to tell you as you sit across from me is that I love you.

With love,


And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where the article also went up this week.

34. Strength of Soul

There are some people who can lift a 90-pound weight with ease. There are others for whom lifting a 90-pound weight takes every ounce of their effort. And there are those who cannot lift a 90-pound weight at all.

The amount of weight that a person can lift defines the strength of one's physical body. But there is a more important strength, strength of soul.

Bags of Sorrow

My darling wife, a psychotherapist, teaches her clients about the proverbial bag of sorrows that we all carry around with us. She explains that the point of therapy is to reach into the bag, take something out, examine and understand it. At the end of a session, the problems do not disappear; the bearer just knows more about what it is they are carrying around. The remarkable thing is that over time the sorrows become lighter and easier to bear.

All human beings have burdens. All of us, simply because we are alive, suffer. That is what it is means to be human. (There is a Buddhist notion that to be alive is to joyfully participate in the suffering of the world.) From childhood on our troubles accumulate as we carry them around, adding weight to our loads. Some of us experience sudden tragedies, adding much weight at once. Others confront an endless series of minor day-to-day problems. Our strength of soul determines how heavy the burdens we carry feel.

Strength of Soul

Strength of soul is the strength we draw upon to carry our burdens.

There are people out there whose inability to get their favorite dish at a restaurant can ruin their dinner. On the other hand, there are also people who are just as happy to eat the eggplant parmesan as the lasagna they originally had their heart set upon.

The difference in outlook is directly related — not to wealth or to circumstance — but to strength of soul. People with little strength of soul can be detoured by the slightest obstacle in their path. People with greater strength of soul are more flexible and better able to carry the extra weight.

We all know of people who have lost a business, a loved one, or even a limb who are better able to deal with their burdens than someone who just lost a dollar in a soda machine. Is it really a surprise that those with the greater strength of soul are the people we would rather spend time with?

There are certain individuals who believe that their bag of sorrow is greater than anyone else's. They like to complain of their problems so they can brag about how strong they are. This shows not strength of soul, but grandeur of ego.

Some people refuse to admit that they are human and struggle to stoically stand under the weight of their sorrows. They suffer silently, pretending their soul is not breaking

Finally, there are the ones who delude themselves by acting as though they have no sorrows at all. One day, invariably, they collapse.

Conclusion

There is strength of body — the ability to lift a 90 pound weight with ease. And then there is strength of soul — the ability to walk with a lightness of being while carrying a life-bag heavy with sorrow. That you can carry 90 pounds does not matter. How well you carry your burdens does.

I hope that your physical health is and remains strong. But more than that, I pray for the strength of your soul — your ability to walk with a lightness of being while carrying your life-bag.

With love,


And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where the article also went up this week.

33. Cars and Religion

The philosopher-comedian George Carlin has quipped that there are really only three types of people who drive cars:

1. Maniacs.
2. Idiots.
3. You.

The maniacs are the people who drive faster than you. The idiots drive slower than you. And then there’s you. Of course, you are the only person driving at the right speed.

Similarly, my dear friend Richard — a fellow at The Claremont Institute — has organized those who practice religion into three categories:

1. Crazies.
2. Heretics.
3. The Chosen.

The Crazies are more extreme, observant, or devout than you. The Heretics are more liberal than you. The Chosen are those who practice like you.

Richard is more “traditionally” observant than I am. He does his Shabbat practice on Friday night and Saturday. I do the bulk of mine on Tuesday. As part of his Sabbath observance, he often goes to synagogue and prays in Hebrew. As part of my Sabbath observance, I create stained glass art.

In his eyes, am I a Heretic? Yes.

From my perspective, is he one of the Crazies? Yes.

But, broadening the focus we use to view the world around us changes a lot.

As long as we look at the intent — to connect to (the) God (of understanding) at it makes sense to us — we see each other as The Chosen. Richard and I both understand that it is the intent of the practice that is most important.

When you choose to look at intent — not at how or what others call their practice — you might find a commonality that you wouldn’t otherwise see.

Look to see if people are kind, seeking justice, loving mercy, doing good, etc. The lines dividing "you" from "them" will blur, and you’ll find that most people actually are your co-religionist, just like you, The Chosen.

With love,


And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where the article went up last week.

32. Universe Job Survey

My friend Ed forwarded me the following slogan that he saw on a bumper sticker: Many people want to serve God, but only as advisors.

This got me thinking . . . it's in all of our best interests to remember that it's not our job to manage the universe.

So, if we aren't here to advise God, what is our job?

Here's a way to think about answering that question.

Imagine for a moment that the universe was your employer.

Based on the way you actually live your life — not on how you wish you did — how would you answer the following questions on The Universe’s Job Survey:

• What is your job title?
• What department do you work in?
• How high ranking are you in your department?
• Do you have a job description?
• Does your job have fixed hours or benefits?

The idea of a taking a personal inventory is as old as religion itself.note below I encourage you to take 10 minutes to answer the above questions as best you can.

Taking The Universe’s Job Survey will teach you a lot about yourself and it is just as important as anything else you could spend 10 minutes doing.

But, it's just an idea unless you actually do it. Choosing not to participate in a personalized religion exercise is like trying to make music by reading a book about playing the piano.

So, based on the way that you live your life, how would you answer?

Answers:

Rabbi Brian's Answers to The Universe’s Job Survey

I work as a rabbi in the department of human resources. Those I work for are proud of what I do — encouraging me to be more creative and even to expand and hire a staff.

My job description mentions the phrases “do that which is right” and “be compassionate.” The hours are flexible, but I tend to work more than is good for me. I don't enjoy my benefits as often as I should, alas, due to the over working.

Follow-up 1:

If you don't like your current job, what job do you wish you had?

(My friend Brandon told me he was hoping for a job as an oak-tree shade tester.)

How do you imagine you could go about changing departments?

Follow-up 2:

Which departments do you think rate the highest in job satisfaction?

Which department do you think gives its workers the best benefits — and what are they?

Do you think there is a correlation between benefits and satisfaction?

Notes

Moral inventories are a hallmark of many religious traditions. (Please note, these inventories are not supposed to be done with severe judgment. They are supposed to be an accounting — something to help you know what is going on inside your soul.)

Jewish tradition calls its version of The Universe’s Job Survey Hesh'bone Ha'Ne'fesh — an accounting of the soul. (The literal translation accounting of the soul slightly misses the mark. A Hesh'bone is more like the check you ask for at the end of a meal, but the translation check of the soul, sounds a bit dorky.)

Muslim tradition suggests a similar accounting process and calls it Jihad Bin Nafs. First and foremost, this is really what the word Jihad means — a struggling with the soul — a personal inventory. (Note: the trilateral root of the Arabic Jihad is the same as the Hebrew Israel — to wrestle or struggle with.) Second, the Hebrew word Ne'fesh and the Arabic Nafs are one and the same — a soul or a breath.

12 step work calls this the fourth step: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.


With love,


And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where the article went up previously.

31. Self-Love

The last edition of The 77% Weekly was about self-hate. So it's only fitting that we devote this issue to self-love.

Introduction.

We know that we ought to love ourselves unconditionally. We know that self-condemnation, self-criticism, self-judgment, and self-doubt aren't good for us. (Kicking ourselves in the ass as a means of self-motivation is a bit daft, no? Moreover, the world is generally punishing enough for most of us; we need not help.)

If we believe that God loves us, we know we ought to live in that love. If we don't believe in God's love, it's all the more so incumbent upon us to love ourselves.

Why don't we treat ourselves with self-love?

Why aren't we kind, compassionate, caring, and tender with ourselves?

(I'm not exactly certain why. I think it has something to do with the way we enculturate children — the importance we place on the need to constantly improve and strive for more, to never be satisfied — but the cause isn't the important part.)

Learning to feel and be in self-love is what’s important. But, for many of us, that seems impossible. We don't love ourselves because we don't believe we merit that love.

So the question is: how do we learn to love ourselves anyway?

Rabbi Brian's Practical Guide to the Seemingly Impossible.

Dot and Circle.

Pull out a paper and pen and think about the following problem:

• Look that this drawing of a dot with a circle around it: .

Now I want you to draw the very same dot and the circle — without lifting your pen from the paper and without any lines connecting the dot and the circle.

Notice what your mind just did.

Most people have thoughts like: “Impossible! It can't be done. I’m not even going to try.” (Be honest. What was your first thought?)

When faced with a seemingly impossible task, most people give up before they even try.

But wait! While this problem may seem impossible at first glance, it's not. I personally know of four unique solutions to this problem.

Usually, just knowing that a solution is possible gives people the hope they need to try.

I will bet you any amount of money (up to $250!) that if you spend 10 minutes with paper and a pen that you will come up with a solution! (If you have given the problem 10 minutes and can’t come up with a solution, e-mail me and ask for it.)

Getting to self-love.

Let's move our attention back to the original problem: How do we learn to love ourselves when we don't know how to do that?

You are the circle and you want to be the dot and you can't figure out how to get there.

The solution to this problem will present itself just as the solution to the one with the pen and paper presented itself.

It might not happen in 10 minutes, but an answer (or many answers) will come.

For now, all you need to know is that you just don't know how to do it . . . yet.

That's all.

And not knowing is not a capital offense — nor is it any reason for you to punish yourself.

You just might not know how to have compassion for yourself, yet.

You just might not know how to be kind to yourself, yet.

You just might not know how to reconcile what you were taught about God and what you know to be true about God, yet.

You just might not have figured out how to be completely loving to yourself, yet.

You just might not know how to peacefully live in the not knowing, yet.

You just might not have figured out how to get from the dot to the circle, yet.

But you will.

With love,


And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where the article went up last week.

Self-hate

The ad here is based on a concept from the book There Is Nothing Wrong With You: Going Beyond Self-Hate.

A self-proclaimed teacher and student of Soto Zen, author Cheri Huber explains that many people do "good deed" after "good deed" depositing "credits" into a proverbial bank account. When they decide to treat themselves well and attempt to make a metaphoric withdrawal, the banker at "the Bank of Self-Hate" informs them that they haven't done enough.

She advocates the seemingly insane notion of self-love. (I love her for that.)

The next edition of The 77% Weekly will be entitled: Self-Love: Rabbi Brian's Practical Guide to This Seemingly Impossible Task. (I may be biased, but I think it is one of the most exciting articles that I have written.)

Until next time, try to remember to be kind to yourself this week,

With love,

Rabbi Brian

If you want to check them out, this article was also posted at streetprophets and there are comments there that can be found by clicking here.

Do Less.

I touched on something in my last post (Don't Do: A Sermonette on Sabbathing) that I wanted to expand upon. It’s something I do every week as part of my sabbathing.

In Jewish tradition the Sabbath is said to be like a queen who needs to be welcomed. That's why many people set a special, festive table on Friday nights — so that the visiting royalty might stop and linger.

My own thought process is very similar: I believe that I won’t just happen upon rest, relaxation, or surrender over the course of my weekend. I need to specially prepare myself to achieve those goals.

Consequently, every Friday night I ask myself, "What do I want this weekend?"

I imagine a giant, mystical apothecary with towers of chests and cabinets containing bottles and vials filled with virtues like courage and compassion. Characteristics like surrender and peace are also available, if needed. I wonder, "If I could go to this magical store and get anything I desired, what would I want?"

Acknowledging whatever it is I am currently in need of usually helps me acquire it over the course of the weekend.

Think about this for yourself.

If you knew that you could obtain anything you were lacking, what would you want?

• Joy


• Love


• Patience


• Rest


• Surrender

Ask, and you just might receive it . . .



With love,



Rabbi Brian

Don't Do.

When I worked in organized religion it always seemed ironic that I worked on Shabbat, the Jewish Sabbath (Friday night and Saturday). Technically, the point of any Sabbath observance is to rest and desist from working.

As I had Mondays off, realized that when I was taking time off to rest wasn’t as important as that I was taking time off, I transformed my Sunday nights into the beginning of my personal Sabbath observance.

As time has changed, I have moved a great deal of my non-work time to Tuesday afternoon to evenings when I do stained-glass.

Some believe that entrance exam to heaven is based on conformity. I disagree. My experience as the chief religious officer of Religion-Outside-The-Box has taught me to understand importance of intention.

What do you do for your time off? What makes up your weekly Sabbath activity (or
non-activity)?

Inertia is a universal law. Unless you stop, you will probably just keep doing what you are doing — and doing it only because it happens to be what you are doing.

A dear friend of mine whose three-week trip to Africa was canceled at the last minute told me that he just went straight back to work — that is how powerful our "work lives" are.

Parkinson's Law, named after 20th Century British historian Cyril Northcote Parkinson, states, "work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion." That's just the way it is.

Paradoxically for adults, it takes work and planning in order to successfully rest.

• Do you ritually create space in time? Are you religious about regularly not-doing or just being? If not, what do you have to lose in trying?

You know you need some time off. So, please, for the love of yourself, be conscious enough to take some time away from your usual doings. In other words, schedule some time in the next six days in which you won’t do.


With love,

-Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where the article went up on Friday.

Friday, Sept. 29, Picnic & Service

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Religion-Outside-The-Box Event
Los Angeles, CA
Friday, Sept. 29, 2006
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-- BYO Picnic & Holy Day Service

Hello!

Religion-Outside-The-Box empowers people to reclaim the heart of their religious lives, in ways that make sense to them.

Accordingly, for the third year in a row, you are invited to join me for a bring-your-own picnic and "outside-the-box" service on Friday, September 29.

Things get going at 5:30pm with a community picnic and continue at 6:30pm with a non-traditional service touching on all the traditional themes of religion — centering, peace, God, surrender, and remembering those we have lost.

This year will find us at the southeast corner of the Balboa/Woodley Park between Encino and Van Nuys in Los Angeles. Download map.

No previous service experience or theology is required.

Bring with you:

• Picnic food, drinks, blankets, etc.
• Friends / Family.
• Openness / Wonder.
• As many glass-enclosed candles as you would like to light in memory of loved ones you have lost.
• A $5, $25, or $100 tax deductible donation depending on your financial well-being.

Hope to see you there,

How to deal with impossible people

Do you know how to deal with impossible people?

No?

Here are some ideas . . .

Acknowledgment: Most of what I know about this subject I learned from one of my dearest friends, Larry Keene -- a retired minister and sociology professor.

Introduction.

Take a moment and focus on some of the impossible people who are, or have recently been, in your life. Now think about all the different ways you have chosen to deal with them.

Chances are you can easily write a compelling list of all the ways not to deal with impossible people -- be rude, fight, antagonize them, etc.

But what about things that do work?

The very first step.

The very first step of "how to deal with impossible people" is one that most of us forget.

Answer the question: Is this something I want or need to do?

Is this "impossible person" someone you have to deal with?

If the answer is yes, then continue reading.

If the answer is no, congratulations, problem averted! Take a deep breath and move on.

Overview.

Dealing with impossible people has a surprisingly simple solution. It's just four letters long: L - O - V - E.

The best way to deal with impossible people is to love them.

(Of course you don't have to do this -- you can continue to do what you've been doing up until now -- but I can assure you that love really is the best answer.)

You can do it.

Realize that it is possible to love impossible people.

Others have accomplished this. Nelson Mandela and the Dalai Lama are both wonderful examples of people have chosen to love impossible people. And you can choose to do it too.

In a speech Abraham Lincoln delivered at the height of the Civil War, he referred to southerners as fellow human beings who were in error. An elderly lady chastised him for not calling them irreconcilable enemies who must be destroyed. "Why, madam," Lincoln replied, "do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?"

Really. You can love let yourself love your impossible person.

It isn't easy.

Understand that loving impossible people isn't easy.

It isn't easy to get yourself into a mindset that allows you to want to do something for an impossible person -- all the more so when you're certain they wouldn't do a simple kindness for you.

Here's a little tip: When you're dealing with an impossible person and you think you've found a simple solution, you are probably mistaken.

Love actively.

Love -- actively love -- the impossible person.

Loving is never something that you can do from the sidelines. Simply telling a person that you love them doesn't compare with showing it. You've got to take action.

Impossible people want and crave attention. They need validation in order to prove to themselves that they count. That is why dismissing them, their contributions, and/or their opinions usually causes more problems in the end.

Don't ignore or give advice.

Ignoring isn't loving. Pretending another human being doesn't exist robs them of their humanity. It's cruel.

Giving unsolicited advice isn't loving. To an impossible person, your advice -- no matter how well intentioned -- is interpreted as an attack. Impossible people want to be seen for who they are, not for who you want them to be.

Planning.

Remember that impossible person from the beginning of this exercise? Now think of at least three things you could do to show that you love him or her.

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____________________________________

____________________________________

Do it.

Do one of those things.

See what happens.

Final notes.

• Remember, I'm not saying that it'’s necessary to agree with the impossible person in your life, but you do need to see things through their eyes, at least for a little while.



• Dealing with impossible people means taking yourself out of the equation. (Even though our egos usually doesn't care for this.) Making it all about another person is not easy for most of us, but it is required in order to be successful in dealing with impossible people.



• Believe it or not, love is all you need.

With love,

Rabbi Brian

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Download this article.

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Self love

What was supposed to appear here today was an article entitled, How to deal with impossible people.

When I sent the first draft of it to the editor of the 77% Weekly I thought it was perfect.

It wasn't.

Eight drafts have volleyed back and forth between us.

It's still not done.

I'm not going to beat myself up about it any more.

Hopefully issue 27/40 of the 77% Weekly will feature the article How to deal with impossible people.

With love,

Rabbi Brian

Bored to Breath.

When was the last time you were bored beyond belief?

I hope it was recently.

Let me explain.

When we are bored — when we don't have anyone to talk to, when we don't have a technological gizmo at hand to distract us, or when we don't have a task to perform — we act differently.

Like children, we invent ways pass the time.

• Some of us go over mental to do lists.
• Some of us immediately get anxious.
• Some of us play little games in our heads to keep us from feeling our anxiety.
• Some of us just dive into whatever feelings we are currently feeling.

The last few times I’ve been bored, I started to pay attention to my breath as it flowed in and out of my body. (Once was while I was sitting in meditation, once was during an official "church" service, and once was when my wife was out of town and I challenged myself to stay put for 10 minutes while I sat in our garage.)

It's amazing how infrequently I notice my own breath.

Even more amazing is the actual act of breathing.

We human beings breathe around 17,000-28,000 times a day. And, each of those 12 and 20 times per is a tiny miracle — a miracle that separates us from the dead.

How absolutely remarkable!

In fact, in Hebrew, the word for soul and the word for breath are the same.

So, the next time you find yourself sitting somewhere, bored silly, why not ponder your own miraculous breathing for a few minutes?

It is my hope that you will soon be bored so that you can enjoy this simple religious experience.

Ready? Set? Breathe!

_______, therefore I am. (A fill-in-the-blank spiritual exercise.)

Cogito ergo sum translates as “I think therefore I am” and is attributed to the early 17th century French philosopher René Descartes.

I think therefore I am.

Is thinking the sole reason for my existence?

Am I here just because I think?

While I do love to consider, cogitate, contemplate and calculate; weigh, wonder, ponder, reason and reflect; muse, mull and be oh-so-clever, I have a hard time believing that thinking is the primary cause of my existence.

But if it’s not thinking, then what is the reason?

What word or phrase would you substitute for “I think”?

_______ ergo sum.
_______ therefore I am.

Here are a few ideas:

• I complain, therefore I am.
• I have stuff, therefore I am.
• I improve on things, therefore I am.
• My parents procreated, therefore I am.
• I create, therefore I am.
• God loves me, therefore I am.

(Isn’t it interesting the way each version gives a very different perspective on life?)

Meditate on what you would put in the blank and see what you discover. Then share it below.

With much love for whatever the cause of your existence,

Rabbi Brian

The "How stressed can I be?” Contest

Religion-Outside-The-Box is proud to host its first official (and utterly sarcastic) spiritual contest.

Everyone can participate!*

Simply use this convenient scale to calculate how many different stress-filled events you’ve managed to simultaneously survive over the last 12 months. (You can add additional points if you’ve had multiple experiences of an event.) Or just be creative and calculate your stress according to your own scale.

Stress-filled events may include, but are not limited to:

• Worry.
• Change.
• Responsibility.
• Trouble.
• Illness.

Total all your applicable stressors and then share your point total and/or experiences below.

Grand prize: Perverse satisfaction & pity.
Runner-up prize: More stress because you didn't win.

Contest ends August 15, 2006.

Winners will be announced in edition #28 of the 77% Weekly.

Contest Rules and Regulations:

---

Religion-Outside-The-Box membership is not required. One entry per person, please. Artificially inflating your stress for the purpose of winning this contest is strictly frowned upon and may result in disqualification. (Does anyone really need to inflate their stress levels?) Winners will be selected from those posting on the Religion-Outside-The-Box blog.

Johnny, Sally, & the Duck: a modern parable.

Johnny, a little boy and Sally, his older sister, were visiting their grandparent's farm.

As a gift, Johnny was given a slingshot. He immediately ran off to practice in the woods, but found he could never hit his intended targets. Feeling discouraged, he headed back to the house for dinner.

Near the farmhouse, he saw his grandmother's pet duck. Impulsively, he let a rock fly from his slingshot. It hit the duck square in the head, killing it instantly. Johnny was shocked! In a panic, he frantically hid the dead duck, only to discover that his sister was standing not five feet away. She had silently witnessed everything.

After dinner, Grandma said, "Sally, let's wash the dishes." Sally said, "Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen."  

Johnny did the dishes.  

The next morning Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing. Grandma interjected, "I'm sorry but I need help preparing supper." Sally smiled smugly and said, "Johnny told me he wanted to help."  

He squirmed, but she raised her eyebrows and then whispered, "Remember the duck?"  

Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.    

Over the next several days, Johnny found himself doing both his chores and Sally's.  

Finally, he couldn't stand it any longer.  

He confessed to his grandmother that he had killed her pet duck. She knelt down, gave him a hug, and said, "Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing. But because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you."  

-----

Rabbi Brian's comments:

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Each of us is a slave to our own guilt and our own sense that "we are not enough." Most of us struggle with the feeling that we could have always done things better.

This is very human. Experiencing guilt after having made a mistake is what keeps us from making future blunders. But how long are we going to torture ourselves over our past indiscretions?

God--and let's just go with this anthropomorphic notion of God for a moment--has seen everything we have done and still loves us exactly as we are.

(If you don't care for that portrayal of God, the question still remains: Can you find it within yourself the ability to forgive yourself--faults and all?)

With love,

Rabbi Brian

-----

I first heard this story from my friend, Sister Emilie Ann, the Adult Spirituality Director of Our Lady of Grace Parish in Encino, CA. There are various adaptations to be found on the internet, but I believe the original source to be a book entitled, Will Daylight Come? by Richard Hoefler.

A hat, the well, and insanity.

Here's one definition of insanity: doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.

My friend Charles explains it like this:

• I go to a well for water and it doesn't have any water. I am disappointed.
• I go away and come back. The well still doesn't have any water. I am shocked.
• I leave and come back a third time. But this time . . . I'm wearing a hat!

And yet we all do this — all of the time.

We expect that because we have "put on a hat" that the dry wells in our lives will suddenly contain water.

We need to face reality, make the changes we can, and then stop going to empty wells — with or without hats.

With love,

Rabbi Brian

Spiritual Barometer

Wouldn’t it be great to have a "spiritual barometer" — something that would let you know the condition of your religious health on any given day?

I think we all have such built-in devices, it’s just a matter of taking the time to figure out exactly what they are.

So far, I have discovered at least three of my spiritual barometers: architecture, my wife, and traffic.

• Architecture — When my spirit is a bit low, awful
  architecture infuriates me. But when my spirits are higher, I
  will see the very same goofy looking edifice and laugh out
  loud.
• My wife — Sometimes I find Jane’s foibles
  (like her inability to return library books on time) endearing.
  However, there are occasions where late-fee accruals
  exasperate me.
• Traffic — There are days when
  traffic is unbearably annoying to me and other days when I
  am at peace with it.

In the preceding examples, the variable that changes is my mood — not the building, my beloved, or the blockage of cars. In other words, the world is the same, my spiritual barometer reading is altered.

When I keep track of the readings on my spiritual barometers it allows me to make adjustments in the way I react to the world around me. When I find myself annoyed by a set of circumstances that wouldn’t bother me on a different day, I know I must take great care to be kind to both myself and others.

How about you? What are your spiritual barometers? What can you monitor that will inform you as to the state of your soul?

The antics of your pets or relatives? The cost of things? The sounds around you? When you can't seem to remember things? When you find yourself asking God for something? When you find yourself leaving more generous tips? The ego of people? The toilet seat being left up or down?

See if you can't find a few. (If you want to share them, post them here.)

Finally, let me advise that we shouldn't try to use our spiritual barometers as indicators that we need to change anything about our self or our perception of the world. Instead, let us use them to note, with amused detachment, whatever state of awareness we are currently experiencing

Our spiritual barometers can be the greatest of tools to help us find the willingness to be mindful our feelings and explore greater consciousness.

OY Thinking.

OY Thinking = putting others before yourself.
O = Others. Y = You.

OY Thinking is the mindset where the desires of others are given priority above your own needs.

Are you guilty of OY Thinking?

I know that I often am.

(OY Thinking is endemic amongst “nice” people.)

It often feels easier to be a caretaker for others than to take a good, hard look at ourselves, acknowledge what it is that we want, and then do it.
Also, being “selfless” looks good.

But, to be healthy, functioning adults, we need to put ourselves first. If not we are willingly — and often unwittingly — committing violence against ourselves. Putting others first is both exhausting and unfair.

The recently deceased sage Thomas Merton wrote:

To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender oneself to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything is to succumb to violence. More than that, it is cooperation in violence. It destroys your own inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of your own work, because it kills the root of inner wisdom, which makes the work beautiful.

I’m not talking about being selfish — insisting on your own way to the point of doing things to others that you wouldn’t want done to you. What I’m talking about is putting our priorities in the right order.

There is a very famous aphorism attributed to Rabbi Hillel (a contemporary of Jesus) which says:

If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And, if not now, when?

In the upcoming week, accept the challenge to put a stop to your OY Thinking. Instead, try valuing yourself as much as — or more — than you would value any other person.

With love for you (and me),

Rabbi Brian

Life is hard.

My friend Julie says something that I think we all need to take
to heart:

Life, it isn't for the weak.

I forget from time to time just how hard it is to be among the living. Daily, in a myriad of ways, we and all people living have to deal with fear and loss.

Let's be kind to ourselves in the upcoming days, remembering
that life is hard.

With love,

Rabbi Brian

Cruise Control

There are moments in all our lives when our proverbial “cruise control” gets turned off.

You know the feeling . . . you were just going through the motions of life without thinking about them and then “BAM!” a perspective shift happens — instant awareness.

Sometimes it’s triggered by unexpected news (like a death) or when something spectacular (like a rainbow) suddenly “wakes” us. But sometimes there’s no trigger, it’s just seemingly random.

I’ve been having a lot of these arbitrary jolts of consciousness recently — I find that I’ve suddenly “come to” in the middle of a dinner, a conversation, a phone-call, exercising, or driving.

It’s an odd feeling to move from sleepwalking to consciousness.

Every time I experience it, I almost always have the same thoughts:

1. “What caused this shift?”
2. “Where was I when I wasn’t present?”
3. “How long will this last?”
4. “What am I supposed to be doing?”
5. “I’m awed, glad, and a bit weirded out that I’m here.”

It’s also odd to realize that I’m not always present in my own life — that I spend a lot of time on “cruise control.” But it’s true, isn’t it? We all do it. Being “spaced-out” or “floating” is much easier than being present, here, now.

Years ago, I remember thinking that if most people were offered the opportunity to fly on their own volition, they would be glad for the chance. But what if it proved to be as difficult and time consuming as it was for us to learn to walk or read? I wonder how many of us would persevere?

Learning to stay present to life is just as challenging as learning anything new. It’s a really hard muscle to train.

Coming to . . . being awake . . . isn’t that really what the goal of any religious practice should be? Striving to be conscious of our lives as they unfold before us.

Jung once wrote something to the effect that God delighted in creation being conscious.

And while I’m not perfect at it, I like it too.


With love,

Rabbi Brian

Band-Aid

I cut my thumb pretty badly last Tuesday night while I was working on some stained glass. No stitches though — thank God.

There's a band-aid covering the tip of my very sensitive left thumb.

It's going to get better, just not on my timetable.

I want to point pull back the band-aid and check to see if my thumb has healed.

I know it hasn't. And yet, I still want to check.

I know that my body — a most glorious, self-righting organism — will heal itself after a week, or two, or three.

But I still want to check now.


I think life is like that.

There are some things in life that just can't happen any sooner than they can happen. And while we know this, we obsessively check on them anyway.

Sadly, we often lose patience with ourselves for failing to be just slightly ahead of where we actually are.

Here’s my example, I'm not up for running weekend retreats. I know that. Nonetheless, I constantly berate myself for not already holding them. The simple truth? It will happen, but it's just not the right time yet. I would be better served being patient and kind to myself.

Why don’t we turn this into a practical spiritual exercise?

I encourage you to put a band-aid on your finger and let it remind you to wait patiently for your life to unfold.

And finally, since it’s one of my favorites and quite appropriate given the circumstances, here again is a quote by Rainer Maria Rilke:

I would like to beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

Hummingbirds & Questions.

As I sat watching two hummingbirds this morning, I found myself overwhelmed by a series of questions.
- Were they flitting in and out of the flowers to pollinate them?
- Were they trying to nourish themselves with nectar?
- Were they there so I would remember to say a prayer to God?
- Why where they there?

While I was in rabbinical school, I had weekly spiritual direction meetings with a wise woman who wrote the book on spiritual direction. (Actually, she’s written a number of different books about spiritual direction.) One day, she told me something that changed everything and nothing at the same time—it was a statement that has stayed with me ever since:
- The answer received depends on the question asked.

How true!

Read and sit with the following quote by Rainer Maria Rilke.

I would like to beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

In the end, I don't know why the hummingbirds were there, probably never will, and I'm okay with that. Can I learn to be as comfortable with all the other unanswered questions in my life?

With wishes for patience for everything unresolved in your heart,

Rabbi Brian

The devoutly religious and real religion

The devoutly religious
and
real religion.

---
by Rabbi Brian
---

I often
wonder
why those
who believe
that God is on their side
and
that God controls the world
are so scared.

I must remember
to be compassionate
and kind
towards them—they
are truly in need of it.

What God Wants (from me).

Technically, in my job as rabbi, I am supposed to instruct people on what it is that God wants from them.

But I'm not going to do that.

Honestly, it just doesn't make any sense.

While I may have some idea of what it is that God wants from me, I would be remiss in assuming that I know better than you do what it is God expects from you. After all, you are the foremost expert on your life.

If you were to take a few moments to listen to that still, small voice deep inside you, you’d discover that you already know at least one thing that God—howsoever you want to understand God—wants from you.

You don't need me (or anyone else for that matter) to tell you what God wants from you.

What you might need, though, is a little encouragement.

So here it is:

Right at this moment—or sometime in the next 24 hours—do something that you know that (the) God (of your understanding) wants from you.

(I’ve posted a few of the things that I know God wants from me in the comments section of the blog. I’m sharing this list to inspire you. I want you to borrow any items from my list that work for you, and then compile a list of your own. Where our lists overlap, hooray! Where our lists diverge, hooray!)


With love,

Rabbi Brian

Something for nothing.

Something for nothing.

If you’re like me, you probably find it a bit uncomfortable to receive something for nothing.

It just feels, well, awkward.

Giving something for nothing is a proven strategy many charities follow. They send us small novelties—personalized address labels, greeting cards, calendars—with the hope that we’ll feel some obligation to give something back in return.

As children, we learned that being well-behaved meant saying "thank you" when we received something.

And, as adults, we know that proper behavior involves some kind of repayment; something—verbal appreciation, time, money, etc.—must be given for the goods and services we receive, whether they were solicited or not.

We are ingrained with this simple truth:

"Goodly people should not take or receive without giving back."

Perhaps God and the universe give us 'something for nothing' with the hope of inspiring us to give a little something back?

You can give back by funding charities, becoming a mentor or foster parent, volunteering, or even by uttering a heartfelt prayer.

Unless you give back when you are blessed, you will feel awkward at best; bitter and resentful at worst.

When you don’t give something back, you live under the basic assumption that you are not doing enough and that you are in some way undeserving.

I suggest that we, right now, acknowledge that there are some things we have received in life without our having given back anything in exchange.

And, while it may seem embarrassing at first, I'll ask if you can find it in yourself to say a child's simple yet sincere "Thank you."

Find five things for which you have deep gratitude . . .

You'll be amazed at how far a little gratitude goes.

(Moreover, when you say "thank you" the response will be "You are welcome." God and the universe want you to know that you are welcome in this life—that you deserve and that you belong.)


With love, and lots of it.


Rabbi Brian

Like. Dislike.

If I dislike someone,
the way they hold their spoon
will offend me.

If I like someone,
they could drop a plate of food
in my lap and I wouldn't care.

------------------------------------------------------------

With love,

Rabbi Brian

Let Freedom Ring

------------------------------------------------------------------------
- The average man does not want to be free. He simply wants to be safe. H. L. Mencken

- They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither. Benjamin Franklin

------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's not often that I feel compelled towards the political in my religious messages. This is an exception.

Putting up walls and writing down laws do little to protect our freedoms compared with loving the foreigner and remembering that you and I were strangers in a strange land.
Religion must be about love and compassion if it has anything to do with God.

Please, in this next week as you celebrate your freedom, do something that is within your power to help this great country remain a bastion of freedom.

(Complaining doesn't count as doing something.)

Freedom (on the inside)

When I got back from the gym earlier this morning, I was greeted by 30 e-mails requiring answers, three voicemails, four bills needing payment, about 15 minutes of paperwork related to qualifying for non-profit status, and last but not least, my book . . . which still requires some love and attention before it is completed.

I suddenly found myself overcome by an overwhelming feeling of anxiety. It felt as though I was choking.

“Suck it up,” I told myself. But what would battening down the hatches accomplish? It would suffocate me, stuffing the scared feeling down while I robotically muscled through my responsibilities. I knew from experience that ignoring my anxiety would just wreck havoc later on—in various nefarious and incalculable ways.

So, I decided to try something different.

I wrote God a prayer for help.

I didn’t write to God because I expected God to change things for me. On the contrary, I wrote it because I know that when we engage in real earnest prayer, the one who prays is changed.

Five paragraphs into my stream-of-consciousness-prayer, a favorite Robert Frost quote came to mind: "The only way out is through." And a thought occurred to me, "What if I embrace my feelings? Why not just sit with the panic . . . lean into it?"

So, I did.

I placed the fleshy part of my palm on my cheeks, my fingers covering my eyes. I bowed my head toward my chest, and I cried. I wept. I dove in to the feelings. I allowed my panic and fear to wash over me.

To my amazement, it didn’t last forever. In reality it lasted all of 40 seconds.

Then, looking like a two-year-old who has just finished a tantrum—with tears still damp on my cheeks—I felt my countenance lift. The feelings of panic had disappeared.

--

Do you see how this experience relates to our free-will discussion?

We all know that we are able to choose how we react to the external forces in our lives. How do we react when we’re at a restaurant and our salad arrives with the wrong dressing? We have choices: rage at the waiter, politely request a change, accept it and enjoy something unexpected, or other options.

Are we not able to choose how we react with regard to our internal emotional lives?

Feelings we were neither expecting nor desiring, like salads with wrong dressings on them, will come.

What will you choose?

Are you willing to feel sad when you are sad . . . to feel angry when you are angry . . . and to feel overwhelmed when you are overwhelmed?

Or will you ignore your true feelings by pretending everything is fine . . . even when it’s not?

Be free, child of God.

Free.

The English word "free" comes from the German frei—meaning dear or beloved. (Interestingly, the word "liberty" comes from the Latin liberi—meaning both free and children.)

If you are "dear" to those in charge (like the children of a medieval ruler), you get to have certain privileges.

Contemplate and understand this:
• You are very dear to God.
• You are a child of God.
• Celebrate your liberties and enjoy your freedoms.

(If your personal theology gets all mixed up in the above God language, you'll love my book when it comes out. In the meantime, think of it this way: your host for the weekend has told you to make yourself comfy—eat what you like, sleep as late as you like—relax. Why shouldn't you?)

---

With love,

Rabbi Brian

Of you, freedom, and God.

Understand the following and you'll understand both Passover and freedom.

It's all about your freedom.

It's not about how you choose to restrict the carbohydrates in your diet. (Although that can be a wonderful path for realizing your freedom.) It's not really about the ancient Israelites leaving their constrictions. It's about you being, reclaiming, and realizing your own freedom. (Re-read the previous sentence, please.)

At every festive Passover meal the following sentence is recited, yet so few understand it: we are not here because of what God did for our ancestors, it is because of what God has done for me. The Biblical story of freedom–the story of Exodus–is retold, but only as the backdrop for each of us to understand that we, we are the ones whom God has set free.

God has freed you.

(Please don't get too hung-up by the word "God." It need mean nothing more or less than you want it to.)

And, God has freed me.

How wonderful that is.

How truly wonderful.

- - -

If you are looking for more, there isn't any.

Except, perhaps, for you to answer, "Of what has God freed you?"

Freedom (Positive negativity . . .)

Virgil wrote Possunt quia posse videntur—which means, "They can because they think they can."

I want to look at the opposite—the self-imposed, yet non-existent boundaries that keep us from doing the things that we could do if only we just didn't think otherwise.

It's fear that keeps a friend of mine at a job that he hates, complete with a sub-par salary and an atrocious commute. He doesn't believe that he deserves better. He doesn’t believe that he deserves anything and everything that he wants.

It's a sense that she just shouldn't shine and be splendid that keeps another friend from shining and being splendid.

Why is this? Why do we limit ourselves so much?

The best explanation I know of is the following:

Think about a dog wearing a shock collar that activates whenever it walks past a certain boundary. Basic conditioning teaches it to stop walking past that point—and after some time, you can remove the shock-collar and the dog still won't venture pass where it had learned not to go.

The same is true with people—with you and me.

At some point in our explorations of life, someone (often a parent) zapped us and we internalized the notion that we shouldn't go there or do that. We learned to live inside a certain safety zone and not to venture outside the box.

We got conditioned—even without the external authority figure telling us that it was wrong—to limit ourselves.

Personally, I learned that I shouldn't relax and let others take care of me. (I'm not certain about the particulars of how I learned this, I just know that I did.) I felt that it was my job to take care of others.

But it's not my job. As real as that restriction feels, it's not real. I can relax and myself be taken care of.

(Similarly, I mis-learned that I shouldn't express my anger and that I shouldn't be straightforwardly honest if it might upset someone.)

What I'm proposing is that we recognize that some of the very "real" boundaries in our lives actually aren't really real at all.

What I'm proposing is some faith to try to free ourselves from our perceived limitations.

This might seem like a radical idea, but it’s true, you aren't limited!

(Of course there is gravity and the government has laws . . . but outside of those there isn't much stopping you from doing what or being who you want to be.)

True freedom, philosophers teach, is God. For the rest of us, we must learn to recognize our self-imposed limitations and be brave enough to venture out beyond where we thought we were safe.

Be brave.

You are safe.

As the late 16th century philosopher and priest Giordano Bruno said, "Out of this universe you cannot fall."

Or, in other words, God isn't going to treat you the way that your parents might have when you violated a boundary. In fact, God doesn't want you to be limited at all.


With love,

Rabbi Brian

Seeing God. (& Dogfish.)

In the first essay of his book "Message in the Bottle," Walker Percy asks an interesting question that I think is worth pondering:


Who do you think is more likely to truly SEE a dogfish?

1. A person who stumbles across one washed up on the beach and pokes at it with a bobby-pin.

or

2. A person who is given one to dissect as part of their school biology class.


The answer is the person on the beach.

Why?

(Perhaps the dogfish on the beach is more "visible" because it is less expected than the one on the dissecting table.)


Why is it so hard for us to SEE things? Why is it so especially difficult for us to SEE the very things that are right in front of us? Why is it so hard for us to SEE things that our teachers try to show us?

I don't really know why. I just know that it's true.


How about you?

What is right in front of you that you do not see?

What is it that you aren't seeing that is directly in front of your eyes?


I'd call it God.
(Some might use other names for it: reality, life, etc . . .)


So, how can you SEE that which you cannot perceive?

The task seems Herculean or impossible—at least to the rational brain.

You might try prayer, meditation, or going to religious services.

Or you could try banging your head against your desk until you're no longer in your right mind.


There is a better way. And I'll share it with you right now.


This is a time-tested way that works.

Wait.
Just wait.

Not actively waiting . . . not doing nothing else . . . but waiting in the way that you might wait for your brain to remember something that you just can't remember just yet.


And then, on its own accord—without you even looking for it—reality just opens itself up to be seen. God winks at us. A dogfish appears and we SEE it for what it really is. Beautiful. Inexhaustible. Glorious.

Faith (& a new car)

I realized yesterday that faith, real faith, has very little—yet at the same time quite a lot—to do with God.

I had faith at 10:30 yesterday morning.

By 2:00pm it was gone.

Yesterday I negotiated for and drove home a new car.

I was certain that the salesman would be there at 11:00am, as promised. And he was. My faith was, at that point, still running strong.

Then I bought the car. (It took a few hours to complete all the paperwork.)

As I pulled away from the dealership, doubt slowly crept in, unpacked its proverbial bags, and made itself at home. "Had I gotten the best possible deal? Did they pull one over on me? What could I have done smarter? Should I have held out for floormats?"

By the time I got home, my faith was just a distant memory.

I had a new car, but no faith.

Suddenly, I realized that I was happier with my old car and I started to spin into an anxiety cycle. (The prevailing wisdom—as backwards as it might seem—is that at times that I treat myself well or do something I might be proud of, I experience a compulsive need to maltreat myself with a "healthy" dose of self-flagilation.) As a form of self-medication, I chose to zone out with a computer game. As I sat rearranging colored balls at ever increasing speeds (I'm a Bounce-out fan), the thought popped into my head that this entire experience was about faith.

I thought about 10:30 in the morning when I had it, up until about 3 in the afternoon, when I didn't.

And then it dawned on me:

God isn't going to bar me from heaven because I might have paid $100, or even $1000, more than I should have on a car.

As it says somewhere, if God takes care of the birds of the heavens and the lilies of the valley, all the more so, God will take care of me.

And it's true. I'm alright.

As long as I maintained a wider view of the situation and my life, my faith buoyed me.

Plus, I have a new car.


With love,

Rabbi Brian

True and Truth

Let me propose what might seem, at first, radical.

There is a difference between TRUE and TRUTH.

George Washington never took a hatchet to a cherry tree.

(Most of us don't have a problem with that story not being true.)

Nevertheless, while it is not TRUE in an empirical sense – no CNN reporter would have reported on it happening - it is still a TRUTH story.

It is a story about TRUTH - or at least a truth that we would like to think is a foundation stone of this country - that LYING IS BAD.

While not true, there is still a truth in it.

Now for the radical jump -- perhaps the same with the Bible. Perhaps you can see it as not being TRUE but about TRUTH?

Sit with it for a while.

(These ideas are from the writings of Marcus Borg and wisdom of Larry Keene.)

With love,

Rabbi Brian

This is cross-posted at Street Prophets

A religious treatise . . .

I, Rabbi Brian Zachary Mayer, hereby on this date in late February 2006, under the powers bestowed upon my upon my ordiniation as a rabbi and by the powers that I proclaim to have on my own declare myself to be authorized to speak on behalf of God with regard to what it is that I perceive it to be that God wants from me and with regard to what it is that I perceive God to be.

(I am careful to state that my powers as to knowing what it is that God wants only pertain to me and that my opinions are strictly my own.)

What type of world might it be if people self-authorized with regard to their religious lives? What would happen if people stopped listening to others with regard to what it is that they should do in their religious lives and did instead that what they know is right?

I think it would be kind of cool.

Everyone coming to their own relationship with (the) God (of their understanding).

(This is cross-posted at Street Prophets)

With love,

Rabbi Brian

Is it better to know?

Recently, I was called to a home where I met a woman to talk about her father, who had recently died. I had been asked to officiate at his upcoming funeral. One of the questions I asked, as I do during my usual "funeral intake," was: "What lessons do you feel your loved one taught with the way they lived their life?"

She answered me with the following story:

My father was a great listener . . . my friend Jay had recently broken up with his girlfriend, and my father didn't even know Jay that well . . . but he sat outside with Jay for two hours . . . just listening to him . . . Jay just told me this story . . . not many men would do that.

I have intentionally omitted one fact from her story: this incident happened at the woman’s wedding.

Changes the story, doesn’t it?

So, here’s my question: is this woman better off not putting the pieces together? Is she better off not realizing that at her wedding, her father chose to spend two hours with a veritable stranger instead of spending that time with his own daughter?

Is ignorance bliss?

After all, Aristotle said that to perceive is to suffer. . . .

Is it better to know or not know?

That’s the bottom line.

Although it can be painful to know the truth about our selves and our lives, I believe it is better to know. If we don't, we don't understand from where our suffering comes.


With love,

Rabbi Brian

What are we waiting for?

What are we waiting for?

Last Tuesday, my brother-in-law, Bob, had me laughing hysterically.

To be honest, it wasn't hysterical laughter, but I laughed a real lot and every time that I thought about what he said, I was amused again. That's why I wrote hysterical; I didn't know the word to use for what I experienced.

I had told him that my mother had just been diagnosed with uterine cancer. So, the air was a bit tense. Bob was compassionate and said he would keep her in his prayers.

(And, so far, so good; mom is doing well but your continued prayers could not hurt.)

Then, after some time, Bob started to muse upon the idea of hearing that he might have a fatal disease.

Bob said, quietly, almost as though he was thinking aloud, "What a relief that would be."

I didn't say anything. (I find that if I let there be space, amazing things happen.)

As potential positive benefits became clear to him, Bob got more and more animated. He verbalized a mock phone-call with his doctor, "Really, Doctor, I have only a year to live? Wonderful, that's just wonderful. Thank you." He hung up the pretend phone, sighed, looked relaxed in the shoulders, and a sense of content glowed about him.

"If I only had a year to live," Bob exclaimed, "I wouldn't be so f*cking worried about things. I'd enjoy my meals, I wouldn't rush, I'd take it all in with simplicity and grace."

"If I only had a year to live, I could finally just relax and really start living."

Funny how thinking we're going to live forever might take some of the joy out of living.

The truth is, of course, none of us know if this is our last year, last month, or last week on earth. Perhaps we should all seize the day. . . if only for a week.

With love,

Rabbi Brian

Suspicion or Gratitude?

If I were to ask you in the next week to find something suspicious, chances are most people who read this would be able to find something in the first hour.

If I were to ask you in the next week to find one super great reason to feel thankful, you would probably be able to find that in the course of a week, right?

The second feels harder.

Why does the first seem so much easier? Am I more prone or apt to be able to find a reason to be suspicious than to feel grateful? (A horrifying thought!)

If we are what we think (and that seems as logical as anything) then it behooves us to look for the later and not the former.

So, in the next week, I hereby commit to finding one super great reason to feel thankful. (I will post back in a week - you are welcome to post now, then, or both.)

With love,

Rabbi Brian

Rip Van Me.

Imagine that at half the age you currently are, you fell asleep. And, imagine that you slept right through (like Rip Van Winkle) until today. What five things would be most surprising to you?