[17/40] Loving Yourself and Others

Loving yourself and others.

Would you tell someone that they look terrible?

Do you routinely tell people that they ought to dress differently, live somewhere else, or eat different foods?

Can you imagine telling a stranger that they ought to have achieved more than they have?

Have you ever done any of these things to yourself?

Most spiritual-religious traditions advocate loving God, loving your neighbor, and loving yourself.

I think it's a good idea, too.

With love,

Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

[16/40] Control or Suffer

Control — or suffer!
If you have ever felt a bit under the weather and stared glassy-eyed at the myriad of choices of over-the-counter cold remedies available at a pharmacy, you know how overwhelming choices can be.

This “confusion of choice” was recently proven in a study where doctors were asked what they would choose for a patient who seemed to need surgery but had one non-surgical, medical option that could be tried first. Almost 50% said they would have the patient try the non-surgical option. But when the same situation was presented again, this time with two non-surgical options, the percentage of doctors who said they would have the patient try either non-surgical choice dropped to just over 25%!

Choices can be overwhelming.

While we often say we want freedom and choice, we often crave the opposite — the security of certainty. There is a part of us that wants the world to be simple, this or that, good or bad, us or them, black or white, either or.

Seeming certainty is part of why rigid religious dogma and the notion that of a deity in control of everything are appealing to so many people. (Remember: wanting something to be true doesn't make it true.)

Here is one of my favorite phrases:

Dubium incommodum est. Certum ridiculum est.

Translated this means:

Uncertainty is uncomfortable. Certainty is ridiculous.

We know that the world isn't certain — there seem to be a multitude of choices for us to make at almost every moment.

And that creates anxiety. Andrew Oswald, a professor at Warwick University, wrote something I think we all instinctively know. He wrote: "Lack of control is what tends to induce stress in human beings."

Our perceived lack of control is why we love routines.
(And that's also why we hate traffic and airplane delays — we're not in control.)

Most of us are pretty horrible at not being in control.

While I'm fine with pockets of lack of control — like allowing myself to feel out of control on a roller coaster or to not censor my dreams when they start to get scary. (This dream one is a relatively new ability for me.) As far as a general lack of control — the hallmarks of the spiritual-religious notions of surrender and faith — I'm not so willing.

So let me hereby advocate that we all try again — as absurd as it might seem, let’s try to get comfortable with our lack of control.

Kick back.

Enjoy the ride.

Relax as much as you can.

Neither you nor I are in control.


With love,

Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

Note

[15/40] Not Do

Stop!

Part of the human condition seems to be that we try to improve everything around us — that we are infrequently content with the realities of life.

We try to improve things... but why?

Often it’s because it makes us feel important and involved.

We needn't do so much.

Really.

It’s important to take some time off the proverbial hamster wheel so that we can see life as it is — and so that we can get some perspective on the rat race we often find ourselves living.

There is a Zen term called WuWei which is applicable in this situation. It translates as non-striving. There is also a Jewish concept called Shabbat that translates similarly.

We need to not-do.

We need to rest so that we can get some perspective on our doing.

We need to take a break from/a time-out from our instinctive need to improve.

I'm making a challenge to myself this week to "not-do" for seven hours. (Just an hour a day...)

And I challenge you to make a similar commitment.

How you spend your not-doing time is up to you — it's your spiritual-religious life after all. (If you’re stuck, here's a web-link with some ideas)

For the love of God, stop!

With love,

Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

Note: According to studies, timesaving innovations like dishwashers, vacuum cleaners, lawnmowers, and take-out food have allowed us to gain more non-work time. And what did the study say is done with most of that time? TV watching.