31. Self-Love

The last edition of The 77% Weekly was about self-hate. So it's only fitting that we devote this issue to self-love.

Introduction.

We know that we ought to love ourselves unconditionally. We know that self-condemnation, self-criticism, self-judgment, and self-doubt aren't good for us. (Kicking ourselves in the ass as a means of self-motivation is a bit daft, no? Moreover, the world is generally punishing enough for most of us; we need not help.)

If we believe that God loves us, we know we ought to live in that love. If we don't believe in God's love, it's all the more so incumbent upon us to love ourselves.

Why don't we treat ourselves with self-love?

Why aren't we kind, compassionate, caring, and tender with ourselves?

(I'm not exactly certain why. I think it has something to do with the way we enculturate children — the importance we place on the need to constantly improve and strive for more, to never be satisfied — but the cause isn't the important part.)

Learning to feel and be in self-love is what’s important. But, for many of us, that seems impossible. We don't love ourselves because we don't believe we merit that love.

So the question is: how do we learn to love ourselves anyway?

Rabbi Brian's Practical Guide to the Seemingly Impossible.

Dot and Circle.

Pull out a paper and pen and think about the following problem:

• Look that this drawing of a dot with a circle around it: .

Now I want you to draw the very same dot and the circle — without lifting your pen from the paper and without any lines connecting the dot and the circle.

Notice what your mind just did.

Most people have thoughts like: “Impossible! It can't be done. I’m not even going to try.” (Be honest. What was your first thought?)

When faced with a seemingly impossible task, most people give up before they even try.

But wait! While this problem may seem impossible at first glance, it's not. I personally know of four unique solutions to this problem.

Usually, just knowing that a solution is possible gives people the hope they need to try.

I will bet you any amount of money (up to $250!) that if you spend 10 minutes with paper and a pen that you will come up with a solution! (If you have given the problem 10 minutes and can’t come up with a solution, e-mail me and ask for it.)

Getting to self-love.

Let's move our attention back to the original problem: How do we learn to love ourselves when we don't know how to do that?

You are the circle and you want to be the dot and you can't figure out how to get there.

The solution to this problem will present itself just as the solution to the one with the pen and paper presented itself.

It might not happen in 10 minutes, but an answer (or many answers) will come.

For now, all you need to know is that you just don't know how to do it . . . yet.

That's all.

And not knowing is not a capital offense — nor is it any reason for you to punish yourself.

You just might not know how to have compassion for yourself, yet.

You just might not know how to be kind to yourself, yet.

You just might not know how to reconcile what you were taught about God and what you know to be true about God, yet.

You just might not have figured out how to be completely loving to yourself, yet.

You just might not know how to peacefully live in the not knowing, yet.

You just might not have figured out how to get from the dot to the circle, yet.

But you will.

With love,


And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where the article went up last week.