[21/40] Paradoxicality

Paradoxicality

By Rabbi Brian Zachary Mayer

(This article is scheduled to be printed in Presence Journal this winter.)

Introduction, etymology, and some history

Paradoxicality. Chances are you aren't familiar with that spiritual-religious word. And that's understandable, given that it isn't used often. In fact, most dictionaries don't even provide a definition for it. Nonetheless, paradoxicality is one of the greatest tools for having an adult understanding of religion, the Bible and God.

The word “paradoxicality” is, as you might guess, related to the word “paradox,” which stems from the Greek para, which means “contrary to,” and doxa, which means “opinion.” A paradox is something that seems contradictory, but is in fact true. Paradoxicality is the state of being aware of, living in or understanding paradox.

The word “paradoxicality” originated in the scientific assessment of mystical experiences[1]; it was used to describe the nature of an event during which there was a positive experience with no positive content – an experience which is both something and nothing.

Paradoxicality is also the word used to describe the faith stage at which the world comes to seem less black-and-white and more either-or. It’s the stage at which it’s realized that the opposite of a truth can also be true.

We are going to explore paradoxicality first with regard to faith stages, and then examine it in more depth, starting out simple explanations and moving on to more complex ones.

But before we explore this notion any further, recall this experience that everyone occasionally has: You read a word and it just doesn't look right. Even though you know it’s spelled correctly, although you know the letters are in order, it just appears wrong.

That's a lot like the feeling you get after examining the concept of paradoxicality for a while – it just starts to feel a bit odd.

The Spiritual-Religious and Paradoxicality: Faith Stages

When paradoxicality is seen in the context of the following faith stages, those who understand it get further in their quest for understanding. Knowing how paradoxicality can be used as a tool in spiritual-religious practice normalizes people's experiences and gives them a place to which they can strive.

As we get older, we change; in our changing, our understanding of the world changes and so does our understanding of God. These faith stages are not linear, concrete steps that every person goes through in a specific order. And we can be – in fact, most of us are – in more than one stage at a time.

Magic. When we’re little, we believe in a world complete with fairies, demons and monsters. Magic happens and God is all-powerful. We don't understand what happens, and we are OK with that.

Reality. Then reality sets in. We learn about this grown-up world and start piecing it together. We still want to believe in magic, but at the same time are fascinated by finding out what is real. Order is important and we know that if something happens, then something caused it; we start seeing the world in terms of cause and effect. Consequently, God is involved in why things happen, although we can’t express this very well.

Dependence. Getting older, and better able to express things, we start to see God as we see our parents. Indeed, we see God as the ultimate parent. We long for relationships with adults who see, recognize and guide us; we crave structure and rules. God is thus seen as the fundamental adult, the One who gives reason to be moral, the one who put forth the religious doctrines that we do or do not follow. Often, we perceive that God is enthroned in Heaven. This is the classic image of God as Zeus – with white beard, throne and thunderbolts. This period peaks at around age 12.

Independence. Most people who define themselves as “spiritual, but not religious” stagnate in this stage, when God becomes distant or non-existent. By our late teens, we’ve found some authority within by which to make our own set of rules from those society has given us. We might have some spiritual bent to our lives, but by focusing on the historical reasoning for religious tradition, we deconstruct religion as utilitarian and claim no need for it. We disdain organized religion. We become demystification experts, seeking to intellectualize. Just letting go and enjoying what we don’t understand is not for us. Faith in something un-understandable (the non-rational) just doesn’t seem adult. Statistically, there are more men more than women in this stage. (In rabbinical school, I epitomized this stage of independence – I became a storehouse of heretical facts like someone who buys magic tricks just to find out how they work.)

Paradoxicality. With some work, adults may find that they can be tolerant of paradoxical meanings of religious symbols. People at this stage long for community and, at the same time, permission to take their own paths. What makes the paradoxicality stage scary – and what keeps people claiming contentment in the previous stage – is the realization that all of it is a hunch, that others might have opposite views and that that is OK. Those in paradoxicality, as opposed to those in independence, no longer feel the need to see themselves as unique – a jump the ego is loathe to make.

Unity. This final stage represents the true realization of the unconditional relatedness of all things. Paradoxicality gives glimpses into unity. When we hit unity, which many of us do from time to time, we notice that ego disappears and that we see God in everything and that God is everything. This is a state of oneness, of peace, of acceptance, of harmony, of God. (Words, obviously, can’t describe this stage, but hopefully, you’ve had a taste of it and understand what I'm talking about.)

You and the Faith Stages

Now take a moment to think about yourself and your life. While doing so, you’ll probably recognize that you’ve spent time in each stage – and that you are currently in more than one of them.

In a moment, I’ll ask you what percent of you is in each stage. But before I do, let me remind you that this is purely subjective and there are no right or wrong answers. (Actually, the only “wrong” answer is 16.67% in each stage – that’s a copout.) Let me point out that for whatever reason, people tend to find it easier to focus on where they used to be or where they think they should be rather than determining where they are now. I would like to remind you to look at where you are.

If you were to take a snapshot right at this moment, what would it look like?

Magic (Magical thinking): ___%

Reality (Cause-and-effect thinking): ___%

Dependence (God as celestial parent): ___%

Independence (God is dead, religion is a crock): ___%

Paradoxicality (Either-or / both-and thinking): ___%

Unity (At-one-ness): ___%

If your total doesn’t add up to exactly 100%, don’t sweat it – the spiritual-religious is more art than rocket science. If you haven’t written anything, I’ll ask you to pause for a moment, get a writing implement or address whatever it was that was stopping you, and to actually do the exercise. If, in the process, you experience self-castigation, doubt, false certainty, desire to look good, etc., just notice it. That's part of your process, not cause for alarm. And remember, any answer you put down is only for this moment in time. Your answers when you have finished this article and your answers in 10 years might be totally different. [My answers at this writing are: Magic 5%; Reality 10%; Dependence 15 %; Independence 20%; Paradoxicality 40 %; Unity 10%.]

We change as we live. Accordingly, our concept of God and our relationship to that God concept is going to change. Paradoxically speaking and with regard to our understanding of God, change is the only true constant.

Beginner Paradoxicality

Two years ago, my wife Jane injured her back so badly that she was on our bedroom floor in pain. As she slowly recovered, I took on a few of the household tasks that she usually does, like laundry.

Imagine this: I’m in the laundry room. On the left of me, a large, spread-out pile of dirty clothes litters the floor. Over time, that pile gets smaller as I run through loads. On the right of me, there grows an ever-increasing pile of clean clothes.

What I didn't know is that one should fold clothing as it comes out of the dryer to keep it from wrinkling. What I figured was that I would finish washing and drying all clothes, then fold everything at the end. The pile on the right, if you didn't smell it, looked very much like the pile on the left, which it now dwarfed.

Jane, having recovered enough to walk, saw the piles of clothing. From her perspective, I hadn’t even started the laundry – why else would everything still be in piles, instead of being one pile of dirty clothes and one folded stack of clean clothes? She became angry with me for not starting the laundry. Then I got angry with her for insinuating that I was lying and for not being appreciative of what I had done.

Paradox is defined as a statement or situation that seems to be contradictory, but in fact is true:

Was Jane right in thinking I hadn't done the laundry? Yes.

Was Jane wrong in thinking I hadn't done the laundry? Yes.

Was I right in thinking I had done the laundry? Yes.

Was I wrong in thinking I had done the laundry? Yes.

How did the story end? We had a laugh. And I learned that if you put clean-but-wrinkly clothes in the dryer with a wet hand towel for a cycle, the wrinkles come out.

Intermediate Paradoxicality

Think about things that might be blessings, like being the happiest person you know or having perfect pitch. Blessings, right? Well, they’re also curses.

How? If you are the happiest person you know, then everyone you meet will be less happy than you. If you have perfect pitch, far fewer tunes will sound passable to your ear. Blessings can be curses.

And curses can be blessings: I’ve known many people for whom a life-threatening disease has been a wake-up call to appreciate life and start living.

Curses can be blessings and blessings can be curses. Paradoxicality.

This is hard for children to understand – that the opposite of something that is true might also be true. While this may fly in the face of what we think of as real logic, it's true nonetheless. Good can be bad and bad can be good.

Paradoxicality is also found in language; words can be used to mean both one thing and that thing’s opposite. For example, fast means both “moving quickly” and “fixed firmly in place”; cleave means both “to adhere” and “to cut apart”; and dust means both “to remove fine particles” and “to add fine particles.” We colloquially use bad to mean “good” or smart to mean its opposite. In Hebrew, the verb krb (B’R’Ch) can mean both “blessed” and “cursed.”[2]

Intermediate/Advanced Paradoxicality

A classical, Jewish spiritual-religious practice attributed to Rabbi Simcha Bunam of P'shis'kha is that every person should carry two paper scraps, one which reads, “For me the whole of creation was made,” and the other which reads, “I am but dust and ashes.”[3]

The both – while contradictory – are true.

For a similar example, read the following two sentences: "The most can be had from the world by approaching it rationally," and "The most can also be had from the world by approaching it non-rationally." (Note that there is a difference between non-rational and irrational. Enjoying a sunset is non-rational; jumping off the top of a building to become part of the sunset is irrational.)

While each of the above sentences seem to be opposites, both are true. By approaching the world rationally – buying and selling the right stuff, for example – you can get the most from the world. And by approaching the world non-rationally – savoring a meal – you can get the most from the world.

It’s not that one is true and the other isn’t. Both are true at the same time. Paradoxicality.

Advanced Paradoxicality

Read this next paragraph. It’s a quotation by 4th century BCE philosopher Chuang-Tzu. (It’s really deep, so give yourself some time with it.)

Everything has its 'that,' everything has its 'this.' From the point of view of 'that' you cannot see it, but through understanding you can know it. So I say, 'that' comes out of 'this' and 'this' depends on 'that' – which is to say that 'this' and 'that' give birth to each other. But where there is birth there must be death; where there is death there must be birth. Where there is acceptability there must be unacceptability; where there is unacceptability there must be acceptability. Where there is recognition of wrong there must be recognition of right. Therefore the sage does not proceed in such a way, but illuminates all in the light of Heaven. The sage too recognizes a 'this,' but a 'this' which is also 'that.' A 'that' which is also 'this.' The 'that' has both right and wrong in it. So, in fact, does the sage still have a 'this' and 'that'? Or, in fact, is there no longer a 'this' and 'that'? A state in which 'this' and 'that' no longer find their opposites is called the hinge of the Way. When the hinge is fitted into the socket, it can respond endlessly. Its right then is a single endlessness and its wrong too is a single endlessness. So, I say, the best thing to use is clarity.

Paradoxicality, as you see, runs counter to the childish human desire to keep it all very simple – that this is simply this and that this is not that. We might prefer that there be a simple right and a wrong, a this and a that, but it doesn't work that way. (Or this way?)

Good is never just good and bad is never just bad. Our society would rather pretend that the world is "black and white," "good and bad," "us and them." But, it's not… and we know that.

Jewish and Christian examples

Let me provide examples from organized religion that I use to help people to understand the idea of paradoxicality: the wine of communion and the matzah of Passover. (I find that because of spiritual-religious baggage, Jews can better understand the Christian example and Christians the Jewish.)

Catholics maintain that communion wine is transubstantiated into the blood of Jesus, while participants in a Passover meal eat unleavened bread because they were slaves in Egypt.

Scientifically, rationally, empirically and cognitively, we know that the communion wine doesn’t really become the blood of Jesus, and that the people sitting around tables today weren't actually slaves in Egypt. But to the religious person who understands paradoxicality, while these things aren't really true, they also are. The communion wine isn’t the blood and, at the same time, it is the blood. And I eat the matzah knowing that I was and that I never was a slave in Egypt.

The Spiritual-Religious and Paradoxicality

How does this all relate to spiritual-religious practice? My grandfather used to say, “If two people in business always agree, one of them is not necessary.” The tension between two points of view can lead to a third, unexpected one.

Paradoxicality requires us to step outside the box of established perception. To what end? To see that there is more than we thought was there – and that most of what we think “is” is not much more than opinion. (Buddhism and Zen are sometimes taught through paradox because paradox is beyond linear thought, and the practice of playing with paradox helps refine the skill of letting go of thinking.)

Wisdom begins with unlearning that which we thought we knew. If you are going to come to a new, adult understand of religion, you are going to have loosen up on what you thought you knew.

If we are certain that “there is no God,” then we have, in a sense, made a god out of not-God. When we are certain that God is love and good, do we preclude hate and evil from being in God's world? If we believe that the Bible is true, does that mean that it can't also be not-true? Is there no space for middle ground?

Not this, not that, but both this and that.

And neither.

We have to open our minds beyond their limits and see that while we are limited, we are also unlimited.

With love,

Rabbi Brian

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Rabbi Brian is a teacher and the Chief Religious Officer of Religion-Outside-The-Box (www.rotb.org), an Internet-based non-denominational congregation. His first book is entitled, How To Find Out What (The) God (Of Your Understanding) Wants From You.

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[1] In addition to paradoxicality, some other named attributes of mystical experiences include being ineffable (indescribable), godly (non-spatial and non-temporal with a feeling of the holy or divine), causing someone to be noetic (receptive to an experience as a valid source of knowledge) and creating a sense of oneness or ego-loss.

[2] Job 1:5; 1:11, Job 2:5, Job 2:9, etc. — And, yes, this can make biblical interpretation very tricky.

[3] Job 42:6

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

[19/40] Perspective in Baking Bread

Perspective: Baking Bread

My friend Nagy is a Zen priest who volunteers in correctional facilities.

He told me about something he does that I want to share with you.

I will ask an inmate, "What's your job here?"

Let's say they answer me, "I bake bread."

I tell them, "No, that is not what you do."

When they look up at me for clarification, I explain, "You don't bake bread, you provide nourishment for the community."

Perspective can snap us out of our regular way of seeing the world and help us to see the world anew. (The word perspective is defined as "an assessment of a situation which relates the comparative importance of elements.")

For example until recently, my least favorite day of the year was winter solstice — the darkest day of the year. When my friend Julie sent me an article about a pilgrimage to Mecca on that day celebrates it as the longest night of the year, something switched in my head and it all changed. (I'm still a little upset about summer solstice as I know that after it I lose a little sunlight each day.)

Perspective!

As we know, perspective can turn a half-full glass of water half-empty, and back again.

In a lesson that Nagy knows well after ordaining a few inmates who have taken Bodhisattva vows and become monks, perspective can turn a prison into a monastery — and, we ought to be aware, the other way around.

With hopes that you feel comfortable with your place in this world and love,

Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

[18/40] Nice Effort

Nice effort!

Perhaps you've seen the recent studies about the effect of praise by psychologist Carol S. Dweck. (A variation of it seems to be in every parenting magazine I read recently.) Her work paints a very interesting picture.

In her study, some students were praised for their innate intelligence and some for their effort.

Then, the students were given a test. A test, unbeknownst to them, that was two years ahead of their grade level.

Predictably, they all failed.

The former — those praised for their intelligence — were devastated. They assumed that the test proved that they weren't smart at all.

The later — those praised for their effort — weren't fazed by failing the test. They simply assumed that they hadn't focused hard enough on the test.

With regard to your spiritual-religious life, I would like to continue to encourage in your efforts.

Getting to find and be with (the) God (of your understanding) is nothing easy — many of the greatest minds who ever lived have struggled with this. Even Mother Teresa struggled with her faith — so know that you’re in good company.

Moreover, according to the Bible — and let’s leave Biblical baggage aside for a moment; I’m just making a cool point — after one of Abraham's grandsons spends a sleepless night wrestling with God, God changes his name from Jacob to Yis'ra'el — which means "struggles with God" or "fights with God." As I see it, that’s all of us — each of us, every day struggles, fights and wrestles with, defeats, and is defeated by God. Struggling with God, struggling with the question of God's existence, struggling with the role of God in one's life — none of us ever has full certainty with regard to God.

So, keep making the effort.

Seek out a relationship with (the) God (of your understanding).

After all, it won’t happen on its own.

With love,

Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

[17/40] Loving Yourself and Others

Loving yourself and others.

Would you tell someone that they look terrible?

Do you routinely tell people that they ought to dress differently, live somewhere else, or eat different foods?

Can you imagine telling a stranger that they ought to have achieved more than they have?

Have you ever done any of these things to yourself?

Most spiritual-religious traditions advocate loving God, loving your neighbor, and loving yourself.

I think it's a good idea, too.

With love,

Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

[16/40] Control or Suffer

Control — or suffer!
If you have ever felt a bit under the weather and stared glassy-eyed at the myriad of choices of over-the-counter cold remedies available at a pharmacy, you know how overwhelming choices can be.

This “confusion of choice” was recently proven in a study where doctors were asked what they would choose for a patient who seemed to need surgery but had one non-surgical, medical option that could be tried first. Almost 50% said they would have the patient try the non-surgical option. But when the same situation was presented again, this time with two non-surgical options, the percentage of doctors who said they would have the patient try either non-surgical choice dropped to just over 25%!

Choices can be overwhelming.

While we often say we want freedom and choice, we often crave the opposite — the security of certainty. There is a part of us that wants the world to be simple, this or that, good or bad, us or them, black or white, either or.

Seeming certainty is part of why rigid religious dogma and the notion that of a deity in control of everything are appealing to so many people. (Remember: wanting something to be true doesn't make it true.)

Here is one of my favorite phrases:

Dubium incommodum est. Certum ridiculum est.

Translated this means:

Uncertainty is uncomfortable. Certainty is ridiculous.

We know that the world isn't certain — there seem to be a multitude of choices for us to make at almost every moment.

And that creates anxiety. Andrew Oswald, a professor at Warwick University, wrote something I think we all instinctively know. He wrote: "Lack of control is what tends to induce stress in human beings."

Our perceived lack of control is why we love routines.
(And that's also why we hate traffic and airplane delays — we're not in control.)

Most of us are pretty horrible at not being in control.

While I'm fine with pockets of lack of control — like allowing myself to feel out of control on a roller coaster or to not censor my dreams when they start to get scary. (This dream one is a relatively new ability for me.) As far as a general lack of control — the hallmarks of the spiritual-religious notions of surrender and faith — I'm not so willing.

So let me hereby advocate that we all try again — as absurd as it might seem, let’s try to get comfortable with our lack of control.

Kick back.

Enjoy the ride.

Relax as much as you can.

Neither you nor I are in control.


With love,

Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

Note

[15/40] Not Do

Stop!

Part of the human condition seems to be that we try to improve everything around us — that we are infrequently content with the realities of life.

We try to improve things... but why?

Often it’s because it makes us feel important and involved.

We needn't do so much.

Really.

It’s important to take some time off the proverbial hamster wheel so that we can see life as it is — and so that we can get some perspective on the rat race we often find ourselves living.

There is a Zen term called WuWei which is applicable in this situation. It translates as non-striving. There is also a Jewish concept called Shabbat that translates similarly.

We need to not-do.

We need to rest so that we can get some perspective on our doing.

We need to take a break from/a time-out from our instinctive need to improve.

I'm making a challenge to myself this week to "not-do" for seven hours. (Just an hour a day...)

And I challenge you to make a similar commitment.

How you spend your not-doing time is up to you — it's your spiritual-religious life after all. (If you’re stuck, here's a web-link with some ideas)

For the love of God, stop!

With love,

Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

Note: According to studies, timesaving innovations like dishwashers, vacuum cleaners, lawnmowers, and take-out food have allowed us to gain more non-work time. And what did the study say is done with most of that time? TV watching.

[14/40] Friend of God

Friend of God.

PLEASE NOTE: Some readers of The 77% Weekly have told me that they have a hard time when I use the word God as they don't believe in an external, ultimate being. That's cool. But, if you are one of those readers, I still want you to read this article and think about your answers. Remember, I’m not trying to convert anyone to have any particular God beliefs — the mission of Religion-Outside-The-Box is to help you find and be with (the) God (of your understanding). Thinking about God in the way this spiritual-religious exercise presents God can help you figure out what you do and don’t believe. -RB

Two of the dictionary definitions of the word friend are:

• Somebody who is not an enemy.
• Somebody with whom one has a close personal relationship of mutual affection and trust.

Now, think about your conceptualization of God. (Admittedly, this is a pretty difficult thing to do. After all, God is often defined as beyond comprehension and the greatest minds of all time have had a hard time doing so; all the more so you and I. Nonetheless, think about your understanding of God.)

Here are some spiritual-religious questions to muse upon:

Would you consider yourself a friend of God?

• Would you say that you and God have a close personal relationship of mutual affection and trust?
• Would you say that you and God have a relationship at all?
• Are you and God friends?

What is your relationship with (the) God (of your understanding)?

• Do you treat God the way that many people treat relatives they don’t like — inviting them to events and then ignoring them?
• Do you treat God as though God doesn’t exist?
• Do you think or believe that God wants a relationship with you?

If you think of you and God as friends, how close are you?

• Do you tell God that you would be there for God in thick or thin?
• Do you and God exchange cards for New Years or birthdays?
• Do you call upon God to help you out when you need help and do you help God out when it looks like God could use a hand?
• Do you feel, metaphorically, like you owe God a phone call?
• Do you frequently/sometimes/never invite God to meals?
• Do you call God's name when you are having sex with someone else?

An explanation and book-plug.

The point of this exercise is this: it is important for spiritual-religious adults to have an understanding of our relationship with (the) God (of our understanding).

A lot of people assume that “(the) God (of their understanding)” is the kind of thing they can keep track of in their head. To use a homework analogy, they look at it as though this is something that isn't going to be turned in for a grade and consequently that they don’t need to do a good job. This, of course, is shoddy reasoning. Your relationship with (the) God (of your understanding) is one of the most important relationships that you might have in your entire lifetime — so it behooves you to actively think about that relationship.

To this end, I'm glad to plug my book, now in it's third printing: How To Find Out What (The) God (Of Your Understanding) Wants From You. (The previous link will also help you to download an electronic copy.)

With love,

Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

[13/40] A Simple Mistake

A simple mistake.

My friend Käthe did something recently that was so impressive, I need to share it with you.

Käthe had brought her son over for a play date at our house. Her husband, Jeffery, stopped in for a quick visit, and then he went to work. Inadvertently, Jeffery took both his car keys and her car keys when he left.

None of us realized this until Jeffery was already at work an hour and a half away.

Käthe left him a message telling him of his error, but she didn’t shame him, hold it over his head, or let it ruin her day.

Instead, she spent the whole day with Jane, Emmett, and me.

She didn't talk about him behind his back.

"It was a simple mistake," she said.

We should all give others (and ourselves) the dignity of not being perfect.

With love,

Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

[12/40] Feelings + Thoughts

Feelings + Thoughts:

(A spiritual-religious chicken or the egg situation.)

We are all aware, at least on some level, that we ought to strive to be present — to be, in the words of Ram Dass, "here" and "now."

But so few of us do.

Here's a simple exercise — a sort of spiritual-religious mad-libs — to help.

Fill in the following sentence:

I am _______ (insert: feeling) that ________ (insert: apparent cause of the feeling).

Here are a few examples:

feeling ................................. apparent cause of the feeling

sad /angry / mad ............... yesterday I lost $5.

happy / joyous ................... today I found $5.

surprised / confused ......... yesterday I lost $5 and today I found $5.

The radical suggestion that I am going to make is that we investigate lopping off the second half of the sentence — in other words, that we ignore the apparent cause of the feeling and just allow ourselves to be in the feeling. (After all, feelings are to be felt, not thought.)

When I pay attention to the actual order in which things occur, I notice that some of the time the feeling comes first and then I seek an appropriate rational explanation as to why it is that I feel that way — and then I re-write history in my mind to convince myself that the later caused the former.

My belief is that often the feelings come first.

For example, about six months ago I was lying in bed, frustrated. Instead of allowing myself to just experience the situation — me allowing myself to be frustrated, I found myself going through a mental Rolodex of things that might have been the cause of my frustration. Eventually I found one and blamed all my frustrations on that event. However, I knew even in that moment that this apparent cause of my frustration was just a convenient, semi-logical explanation. Point of fact, I was frustrated before I “realized” what I was frustrated about.

I am certain you have had similar experiences. Have you had moments in your life when you have felt filled with anger or sadness but you just didn’t know why?

I think it behooves us to just be in our feelings when we are in them and to refrain from always trying to attribute causes to them.

Moreover, when we label our emotions — we categorize them. Something that starts to feel like sadness we call sadness and then we lose out on the actual experience of it. Maybe it wasn’t sadness after all?

So, what am I saying here?

Maybe — like infants laying in cribs — we should just let our feelings just wash over us from time to time?

Maybe we ought to just be in our experience of life as it happens...

I don’t think there is any better spiritual-religious advice than that.

With love,

Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

[11/40] Was it better?

Was it better?

I don't know about you, but recently I've been hearing, over-hearing, and participating in a lot of talk about "the good ol' days."

People blather on about how the price of things used to be reasonable or how you used to be able to do this or that and it wasn't a problem, but now... well, now you just can't buy things like you used to and you can't just do things the way that you used to.

I wonder why this is happening right now.

Is it a spring-time thing or perhaps an election year thing? What has happened or is happening that is causing us as a society to LONG for a mythical past when the way things were better, easier, more honest...

(I don't really know the answer and would love your thoughts...)

All I can tell you is that the past always seems more comfortable than the present. The worries we had in the past don't seem as scary as the worries that we have today. From a logical point of view, this is because the future of the past is the present and therefore not as worrisome as the future of the present which is an unknown.

Seems like a good time to get comfortable with the spiritual-religious practices of faith (1, 2, 3, 4), surrender (1, 2), and acceptance (1).

With love,

Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

[10/40] It's Between You & God

It's between you and God.

Religious laws are typically divided into two categories: those between a person and his or her fellow person and those between a person and his or her understanding of God.

-between a person and his or her fellow person

• The laws that fit in the former category are rules of conduct: statutes about what a society or culture will and won’t tolerate.

-between a person and his or her understanding of God.

• The laws that fit in the later category are rules that apply to the heart of a spiritual-religious life: resting, worshiping, dietary restrictions, et cetera.

While religious institutions and cultural groups tend to be fairly strict with regard to the laws between a person and his or her fellow person — there can be (and historically always has been) more leniency in the interpretation of those between a person and his or her understanding of God.

My job as the Chief Religious Officer of Religion-Outside-The-Box is to encourage you to interpret religious laws in a way that makes sense to you. Especially the ones between you and your conceptualization of the divine.

We’re talking about you and what you do with regard to your spiritual-religious life.

So, to quote the Psalms, “Sing God a new song.”

Take your spiritual-religious life into your own hands.

• Take time to “not do” that makes sense to you.
• Worship as your soul moves you to worship.
• Eat foods (and refrain from eating foods) that will help you to elevate your consciousness.

What you do in your spiritual-religious life is between you and (the) God (of your understanding).

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

With love,

Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

[09/40] Abundance

A quip.

My friend Jon is a writer.

He wrote something I wanted to share with you.

It's an untitled, one-line, spiritual-religious poem.

Here it is:

There's an abundance of it in the universe, on the shelf in the back, behind the brand new fear display.

Amen, Jon.

We would all do well to remember that while fear is often the cover story, our lives as they are contain (for the most part) enough.

With love,

Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

[07/40] Magi-tude

Magi-tude.
(a word I invented combining the words “magic” and “attitude”)

I experienced magic recently.

Real magic.

It wasn't a card trick.

It wasn't a coincidence.

It wasn't something non-magical that only seemed magical.

It was true magic — something impossible becoming possible, actual, real.

Let me tell you what happened.

My friend John mentioned that he often puts the things that he is not grateful for on his gratitude lists.

I’ve mentioned the importance of gratitude and listing out things for which we are grateful in past articles. [1, 2, 3, 4]

I thought John’s idea was a funny: Put the things you aren't grateful for on the list of things you are grateful for? Why would anyone in their right mind do that?

Nonetheless, I like John, he seems sane, and it seemed like an interesting idea worth trying.

So I tried it.

I was particularly grumpy that day that Emmett woke up at 5:45am and so I started with that.

"My petty grievance list today starts,” I told John, “with the fact that my son woke up at 5:45 in the morning." I took a moment and continued, “And so, I’ll turn that around and say that I am grateful for..." and then I stopped, involuntarily. I hemmed and hawed. I couldn't get the words “I’m grateful that my son woke up at 5:45 in the morning” to flow out of my mouth. It was as though I was going to say, "My name is Joaquin," or something else that I knew wasn't true.

Maybe I had gotten so comfortable in my grievances about Emmett waking up before the dawn, that I didn't want to part with it? I don’t know why, but I had a quick pep talk with myself: Just say the words — even if you don't believe them.

So I did.

"I am grateful that my son woke up at 5:45 in the morning."

And that's when the magic happened.

Saying the words released me.

Nothing had changed, yet it was different.

Magic.

Attitudinal magic just by saying words I didn’t think I believed: magitude.

I urge you to give it a try.

Take one thing off your petty grievance list and say out loud that you are thankful for it.

What — besides something that aggravates you — do you have to lose?


With love,


Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

[06/40] 1-800-Dial-God

1-800-Dial-God

The mission statement of Religion-Outside-The-Box is to empower people to find and be with (the) God (of their understanding).

Many people tell me that they aren't certain how to begin — that getting in touch with God seems difficult or hard.

In this regard, I have three wonderful opportunities for you.

1. Write

Until recently, the Heaven Request Form was only available at seminary libraries. But thanks to the Internet, that form is now available for download. Should you care to give your feedback about the running of the universe, please click here to download the pdf.

2. Phone

Simply enter the phone number at which you would like to be contacted and God or one of the archangels will get in touch with your immediately. (Really.)

(If you do not see a graphic into which you can enter your phone number, CLICK HERE.)

(When you click, you'll immediately receive a call from (225) 522-4116 — apparently there is some angelic field office in Louisiana — just answer the phone!)

3. E-mail

Write an e-mail!

What could be easier.

Just click here.

If you didn’t —

1) download and fill out a comment card

2) click to be connected with the heavens

or

3) send an e-mail

I highly encourage you as a spiritual-religious exercise to think about what you would do if you were going to...


With love,


Rabbi Brian

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

[05/40] Pleasure and Entertainment

Elizabeth Gilbert's book Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia makes mention of a concept that I found enlightening.

Entertainment and pleasure are not synonymous.

The differences are important for us to understand.

On one hand, there is entertainment.

Entertainment is defined as something that amuses, pleases, or diverts, especially a performance or show.

The "little kid" in all of us wants lots of quick amusement and diversion. We love about movies, concerts, the Internet and buying things. It feels like it will fill us and make us happy.

But the reality is that entertainment is passive and fleeting—a quick-fix that doesn't last. Then after we are left empty, we need to fill ourselves up again.

On the other hand, there is pleasure.

Pleasure is defined as the state or feeling of being pleased or gratified; a source of enjoyment or delight.

Pleasure is deeper than entertainment. There is a shift within us—we feel gratified and that sensation doesn't quickly dissipate.

I think of the difference between entertainment and pleasure as the difference between Ho Hos (or Yodels), and a healthy, balanced snack, like celery sticks with peanut butter. The snack cakes give us a quick sugar high, but they also leave us empty and wanting more. The healthy, balanced snack, while potentially less convenient, truly satisfies.

(Not that I don't like sugary snacks. I have a bunch in my office refrigerator. I’m just making a point and my other example — the difference between sex and love — seemed potentially distracting.)

Things that are pleasurable seem to be less passive than things that entertain us. Things that we take pleasure in usually are things in which we are more actively involved.

So, take a moment to think about the rest of your day and your week...

(This is especially important if you, like me, live in the "entertainment capital of the world.")

Think about the things you have ahead of you and see if you can figure out a way to have less momentary entertainment and more long-lasting pleasure and delight.

And love.


With love,


Rabbi Brian


And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

[04/40] Floorwax & Bookcases

Waxing the floor, building the bookcase.

Before my beautiful son Emmett was born (almost 15 months ago), I had two home-improvement projects to complete. One was re-waxing our kitchen's linoleum floor and the other was building a built-in bookcase.

(I am amazed that my precious little boy is 15 months old... and that it seems to have taken me this long to get to write about this...)

With regard to the two projects:

I was very excited about the bookcase.
I was not excited about the floor.

The bookcase project was at the very upper limit of my skill set and consequently would be really challenging.

The re-waxing of the floor would involve slowly removing the old finish, tile by tile, and then smoothly applying the new wax, very, very slowly.

Building the bookcase was fun! I had to think and then re-think what I had thought. Then I had to think creatively when I faced problems that I didn't foresee (like when the air-conditioning vent on the ceiling had to be moved).

The waxing, not so fun. I had figured it was going to take about six hours of slowly, methodically creeping on the floor with multiple buckets of solutions and a plethora of sponges. But, after about two hours of tedious work, I found I’d only managed to put down about 10% of the new wax. In order to keep to my budgeted time line, I decided that shortcuts would be prudent and necessary.

I spread a thin layer of the wax over about 40% of the floor and waited to see if it would dry in a relatively uniform manner. It did, and so I finished the rest in less than an hour, congratulating myself on my ingenuity.

Alas, when the floor had fully dried, my shortcut was painfully obvious—90% of the floor looked awful. Now had to completely start over and remove the newly, poorly applied wax.

What I learned—besides the importance of strictly following the instructions when re-waxing a floor—was that I enjoy challenging myself so much that I will create problems in order to turn a boring task into something more challenging.

As frightening a thought as that is to ponder, think about how it applies to your own life.

Are there situations where—even though it doesn't logically make sense to do so—you complicate matters so that you can rescue yourself, à la Baron Münchhausen?

I wish that we could see the utter simplicity of life, that all things pass, that problems resolve, and that there is actually less for us to do than we could ever imagine.

I love and will conclude with the words of a prayer in Leonard Bernstein's Mass, "Sing God a simple song... make it up as you go along... sing like you like to sing... God loves all simple things, for God is the simplest of all. For God is the simplest of all." listen

With love,


Rabbi Brian


And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

[02/40] Cleverness

I want to share a quote with you that rocked my world when I first read it:

"Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment."
- Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi

What a fantastic notion!

Oh, how I have to heed and learn this one!

It is better to be bewildered than clever.

I know that. Its just that cleverness delights and comforts me so...

Being clever is figuring out (or at least pretending to figure out) how things happen. Being bewildered is allowing yourself to delight in the mystery.

Think of one's enjoyment at a magic show — isn't it better to be amazed than brainy.

What if life were just a big magic show?

Don't we all spend a little too much time hypothesizing, making sense of things, and looking for explanations as to why this or that happened?

I know I do. I come up with myriads of reasons to explain away the mysteries of life I don't understand.

Wouldn't we all be better served wondering?

Euripides wrote, "Cleverness is not wisdom." I agree. Besides, being perennially clever is exhausting. It might be far wiser of us to live in the unknown.

Descartes wrote something that I think points us in the right direction, "In order to improve the mind, we ought less to learn than to contemplate."

God, please help us all to be less clever, to contemplate more and to be comfortable being bewildered.

With love,


Rabbi Brian


And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

[01/40] Be, Do, and Have

Think about the three notions of "Be," "Do," and "Have."

Think about the things that you are.

Think about the things that you do.

Think about the things that you have.

The last list — the things that we have — is almost invariably the largest and easiest to conceptualize.

The inventory of things that we do is still large, but less so than the things that we have.

And then there is the first list — who we are.

We can make a visual pyramid of the words to remind us of their levels of importance:

Be
D o
H a v e

We know that we aren't really defined by the things that we have, even though we all sometimes forget it.

And, while we have every right to feel a sense of accomplishment because of the things that we do or have done, we know that this too is not what defines us.

The being list — that is the important one. What you have and what you do pale compared to the simple and wonderful notion of your existence! You are here on this planet and that is enough! You are here and, as Dr. Wayne Dyer likes to say, "You belong." You are and that's that.

You are sufficient just in your being.

With love,


Rabbi Brian


And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

(39/40) Say, Do, Feel

I want to share with you one of the most amazing quotes that I have seen. These words are attributed to Maya Angelou:

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

How true! How true! How true!

I can't tell you the exact words that my grandfather said to me when I was a child. And I don't have a treasure trove of memories of things that he did. But oh, how I remember the way I felt around him... I felt loved, and adored, and seen.

What we say and what we do is not as important as how we make others feel.

How true! How true! How true!

Let me ask you a question: if you could choose how you were going to be remembered by other people, wouldn't you choose to be remembered because you made them feel heard, seen, valued, cherished and loved?

I pray, dear God and dear reader, that we all spend less time trying to be clever or to do things that get us noticed and that we focus more on making the people with whom we interact feel wonderful just as they are.

With love,


Rabbi Brian


And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

(38/40) My Smoothie Truck

When we talked on the phone last, my friend David told me he is pondering an entrepreneurial venture selling fresh fruit smoothies out of modified ice-cream trucks.

“Cool,” I said.

“I’m glad you think it’s a good idea,” he told me putting enough emphasis on the word “you” to let me know that others hadn’t been as supportive.

Three things immediately struck me:

• How frequently people, without being asked for their opinion, feel entitled to “troubleshoot” other people’s problems for them.
• How much we all listen to these party poopers.
• How jealous people are of those who follow their dreams.

Let's examine those three realizations, one at a time:

With regard to people who feel they have the right to offer their opinions on other people’s dreams:

Unless we are somehow specifically asked to make comments, our unsolicited advice on how something can be "improved" is probably not going to be well received.

At wedding ceremonies, I ask those who are in attendance if they will promise to honor and support the couple as they have vowed to live their lives together. They always say yes. I then explain to that this means that should the couple ask for their opinion, they should gladly give it, but should the couple not ask, they are “to honor and support the couple as they have vowed to live their lives together.”

I can tell you that while I am not expert at this yet, I have learned to curb my offerings of unsolicited criticism and life is better for it.

With regard to how much we all listen to the party poopers in our lives:

Do you really think that anyone knows what is best for you better than you do? Of course not! Still, we have all been conditioned from a very young age to listen to the opinions of others, to take their advice, and to “improve” ourselves based on that advice.

I want to offer you an alternative: Imagine that now, as an adult, you‘ve learned enough about yourself. What if you don’t need any more advice? What if you are the true authority on your own life?

With regard to the jealousy we hold towards people who follow their dreams.

Well, we are only human. When we see someone who has something that we want, we get jealous. That's just what we do.

Later in our conversation, I told David about the spiritual-religious books that I'm getting ready to publish and sell. "Hey," he said, "that's your smoothie truck... way to go!"

In the words of Langston Hughes:

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly

Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow

So, the question I want to leave you with is this: what is your smoothie truck?

With love,


Rabbi Brian


And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.