[03/40] Rule of Three

A wise woman I know recently explained to me what she calls "The Rule of Three."

You can tell someone to do something once.

You can tell someone to do something a second time.

You can even tell someone to do something a third time.

But, that's it. After that you have to respect their freedom of choice to do what they want.

What a liberating truth!

I can be involved in other people's lives, but if I give them advice and they don't take it, I need to remember that it's their life, not mine!

For example: at the stained-glass workshop I attend on Tuesday nights, I recently saw someone cutting pieces without numbering them in a way that I would consider to be proper. I commented and they told me it would not be a problem. I argued that they wouldn't be able to track their progress and that using numbers would save them time in the long run. They explained that they could keep track of their progress just fine. Later, after they were frustrated by their lack of organization, I saddled up and explained how they could remedy the situation. They went to get chocolate.

What did I learn?

If people don’t want my help, I need to stop offering it.

What is so liberating about this "rule of three" is that it helps me remember that their stained-glass project is not my stained-glass project.

In the Talmud, Rabbi Tarfon (Avot 2:18) said,

You are not obligated to finish the work; nor are you free to not do it at all.

How true! We can help and be involved in other people's lives and do so lovingly, but if they don't want to follow our suggestions, we need to learn to let them do their own thing.

We often forget about this with our loved ones.

But what if we applied The Rule of Three?

I think we would all be a lot happier.

With love,


Rabbi Brian


And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.

(28/40) Can't Do Attitude.

God, I'm tired.

I'm just tired.

I'm tired of working so hard, being a harsh task master in my own life, expecting so much of myself.

God, please help me adopt a bit of a "Can't Do" Attitude.

Help me to feel less competent.
Help me to not expect so much.
Help me to have compassion, kindness and gentleness with myself.

God, help me really get in touch with the attitude of surrender I wrote about a few weeks ago.

I can't do this alone.

I just can't.

And, I thank you for your help.


With love,


Rabbi Brian

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A related morality tale.

There is a story that I remember hearing about a little boy who asks his mother, "Do you think I can lift that large rock over there."

"Yes," says the mother, "I am certain you can lift it if you use all of your strength."

The boy saunters over to the rock, attempts to lift it, but is unable.

"I couldn't do it," he reports to his mother.

"But you didn't use all your strength," the wise woman remarks.

He leans down, grunts, and still is unsuccessful.

"I used all my strength that time, but I still couldn't," he says.

"To use all your strength," the mother says while leaning down to pick up the rock with him, "sometimes means asking for help."

And, if you care to, click here to see comments on the streetprophets site where this article also went up this week.