Surrender

Today I want to return to the basics and talk about a classic spiritual-religious topic – surrender.

In spiritual-religious circles, the concept of surrender is treated differently from how it’s treated in war. The surrender I’m talking about here is not a synonym for “losing.” Surrender means we are willing to stop trying to control the whole world. Surrendering involves letting go of the misguided belief that we’re the ones driving the ship. It also requires releasing the proverbial steering wheel, standing up, and sitting somewhere else.

But how? How can we relinquish our desire for control? After all, it seems to be a basic, biological instinct.

We love control. We love it. We love it.

If you’re like me, you might even believe you possess a magical super power that enables you to control almost everything. Even though you know this is not true, you still sometimes believe it. How do you know if you have this somewhat delusional thinking? It’s simple: do you get upset when you discover there are things are outside of your range of influence?

The great serenity prayer says, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

While not all of us seem to always have or act on this wisdom, at least most of us have heard its voice whispering good advice to us. The key is listening to and acting on it.

Case in point – my father’s health. I know I can’t do anything to save his health. Even though we had a beautiful, heart-to-heart conversation yesterday, the fact remains that I can’t get my father’s body to reverse certain deteriorating processes, and I can’t get him to take any better care of himself than he can. Both parts of the previous sentence are significant. I have neither the magic ability to get his body to spontaneously heal nor the ability to force him to do anything more that he can do.

We often think we can get people to do more than they can do.

I must surrender. If I don’t, I’ll continue driving myself (and probably my family) nuts by trying to control that which I can’t control.

I must cultivate in myself “wisdom to know the difference” between what I can and can’t control. Intellectually, I know which things are in my bailiwick and which aren’t. I just need to act on this knowledge. I must release my illusion of control, my fantasy of possessing a super power over the world.

Recently I heard someone say, “You either let go or you get dragged.” What a great quote. Let go or be dragged. When we let go, we find a new sense of freedom. We feel liberated – unlike when we’re busy clinging to something we’re powerless to change.

Somebody else gave me this image: Imagine you let go of a balloon, yet you step on the string with your foot so the balloon doesn’t fly off. What’s the point of letting go if you’re not really letting go?

Now think about your own life. Consider the things you know you ought not to be stressing over. Maybe there’s something or someone driving you nuts, but you keep trying to change it all. You know what I’m talking about – that thing in your life.

How can you let go of it? Picture yourself washing your hands of it, or throwing your hands in the air, finally being free of it.

You work on letting go of yours, and I’ll work on letting go of mine.

Spiritual-religious advice: Surrender!